Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The CTM Assault Vehicle 2000

Presenting the wave of the future for locating and conquering hard to reach portals*:

The Chestnut Thoroughbred Mare Assault Vehicle 2000

Inspire fear in your enemies with this imposing vehicle!  Standing over five feet high at the shoulder and capable of reaching eight feet in total height, this vehicle shows that you mean business.

Nine years in development, this is a top of the line AR assault vehicle.  This model features excellent all terrain capabilities, a sophisticated ocular system, and one of the finest homing systems seen on the market.  The CTM AV 2000 can achieve speeds of 25 mph while clearing solid obstacles up to 3'6" tall and an amazing 5' wide!

This system can handle almost any kind of terrain, including water, steep hills, trees, and even rain or snow!

The CTM AV 2000 also comes with a programmable pilot system.  This system easily interfaces with an Android phone in order to locate and conquer portals.  While the pilot system is an older version, it is robust enough to handle the demands with only occasional maintenance.  A firm impact to the cranial region is usually all that is necessary to reboot the system and bring malfunctioning systems back online.

Please keep in mind that this is a beta system.  Not all bugs have been worked out.

However, we are certain that the CTM AV 2000 will give the Enlightened access to portals that would otherwise remain under Resistance control indefinitely.

This best in class portal acquisition system is available for immediate deployment, all for one invitation code.  Call now and order your very own Chestnut Thoroughbred Mare Assault Vehicle 2000!

*For those wondering if I've hit my head without wearing a helmet this time, this is in regards to a game that has come out for Android phones called Ingress.  The image of Fiona charging into battle in order to defeat the enemy was far too amusing for me.  I may also watch too many infomercials.

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