The Doctor will see you now

 It's not horse related but it is very much part of my horse story.  On May 1st, I successfully defended my dissertation for my Doctorate of Business Administration.  My frantic four years of graduate school has come to an end and I am now Dr. Catie.  Yay!

Some days it still seems like something I dreamed up.  I wake up thinking I've still got homework to do or more reading that needs to be completed or some discussion posts to write.  I expect I'll be one of those doctoral students that needs six months of self care after they complete their dissertation.  After my successful defense I immediately went into a massive funk and felt terrible as my body suddenly stopped producing stress hormones like it was a full time job.  I had to beg Trainer Z for mercy in my lesson and we ended up working my walk pirouettes.  I thought I'd just rebound and be free but no, the past four years won't be that easy to shake off.  It's going to take some time for me to undo everything I did to myself in pursuit of my two graduate degrees.

But the important goal was met, I defended my dissertation before show season.  I am now able to focus on getting Theo out there and chasing that Bronze medal.  We ran through the test again and I genuinely feel comfortable with my test now.  It's not a stretch, it's where we're comfortable.  This weekend we have two attempts with two day shows.  I'm glad it's a pair of day shows since I also had Theo scoped today.  

Guess what, we've got ulcers!  Not 'omg injectables emergency' ulcers but he is on omeprazole and sucralfate for the next 28 days.  He'd been girthy in the past two weeks so I wasn't surprised.  Now I know for sure what's going on and we're going to tackle it head on.  He's always been rather ulcer prone, he stresses.  Even with his ideal set up with Trainer Z, he's delicate.  Vet wasn't worried and thinks they'll clear up with the standard treatment.  We'll rescope in a month to check up on him.

We've also had x-rays done of his teeth and his front feet as a baseline, nothing wrong.  We had his fasted blood work done for metabolic stuff.  Got his hocks done and completed another course of Adequan.  He got floated.  I've really checked him nose to toes at this point and if all we find is ulcers on my 20 year old Third level horse?  We're doing good.  He's been feeling awesome under tack and I can only imagine how good he'll feel after ulcer treatment.

Day shows are less stressful for him since he'll get to sleep in his stall at night and roll in his turn out.  Since I'm going solo (Trainer Z got injured and I'm definitely able to handle showing alone) I'm glad I'm not setting up a stall and handwalking for hours.  We'll show up, do our one test, and head home.  With our ride times, the whole thing will be done in 24 hours with 4 hours in the trailer.  5:30 pm on Saturday and 8:30am on Sunday.  I'm going to sleep in my truck in Trainer Z's parking lot because I'm not unhooking with that short of a time at the barn.  Show, park, unload Theo, flop in my truck and sleep, get up, load Theo, show again.

I don't know how we're going to do with my brain still rebooting and going out on our own but we're definitely chasing that Bronze now.  And all of that brain power I was using on school stuff can start to redirect on Theo.  Poor baby.

"Just let me drive and we'll be fine, mom."

Tiny tumble

 You can't ride horses if you're not willing to fall off.  Yes, I'm supposed to be limiting my exposure to rapid decelerations assisted by the ground but the reality of riding is that it's going to happen eventually.  I have only fallen off Theo once and it was for a ridiculous reason while I was goofing off.  I've sat all of his rodeo worthy broncs over the years but while not paying attention, I tipped out of the saddle and landed on my butt.

Did that again today except today it was during a botched flying change heading into the end of the arena.  We had a miscommunication, Theo had no idea what I wanted, tried to do a last minute change with a leap/buck and then had to turn to avoid hitting the end of the arena.  The overly flying change was not a surprise but I thought we were going right.  Theo thought we were going left.  We had a parting of the ways as I expected to have a horse under me to the right while he was trying to carry me to the left but my butt wasn't really in the saddle.  I basically flopped off much to the surprise of Theo, Trainer Z, and me.

Theo enjoying a snack with his PRE stallion neighbor who is ridiculously sweet

I was laying on the ground, looking up at my worried horse, and all I felt was relief.  I'd gotten it out of the way.  Theo didn't try to unload me or do anything bad, we just had a miscommunication and I lost my balance when he scrambled.  I landed on my lower back with not much momentum since we'd been in a collected canter.  Head and neck were not involved.  It wasn't scary in any way.  Painful to fall off a 16h cantering horse but once I'd taken stock of my body, I got up and got back on.  

Poor Theo was horrified.  The first thing I saw when I looked up was his gigantic nose squished against me with the whites showing in his eyes.  I immediately started petting his nose and telling him he was okay.  When Trainer Z reached for his bridle to back him up I swear he shook.  Poor baby, he really thought he'd screwed up.  People so rarely fall off of him and he really hates it.  He'll unload people with full intent but his people?  His special people?  He never, ever drops his people.  Even if I didn't want to get back on, I needed to for his sake.  He was seriously shook.  I got back on, assessed the situation, and then we went back to the canter.  We did most of the exercise again but skipped the change since I was sore and he was rattled.  Then he got a nice groom and back to bed.

And now I'm on the couch with a heating pad for my poor back.  Chiro appointment is tomorrow.  I'm going to have a spectacular bruise.  And here I thought I was going to get hurt putting blankets on all of the babies but that went perfectly.  Kiki is already outgrowing her borrowed 63" so I'm getting her some ridiculous blankets that she will probably destroy.

Such an elegant filly, pity her mom likes silly blankets

Someone is looking pretty cobby these days.  And feral.  Of course she walked into the barn and got blanketed with no drama but then she led the babies on a 'let's try to get rid of our blankets' run once she was loose.  It's now four fillies in that field, the two yearlings and the two weanlings.  I held the weanlings while they got their first blankets on.  The drama was limited but appropriately dramatic.  Glad we did that before I encountered the ground, I don't think I could contain a rearing, spinning weanling right now.

Finding the time

 There were three years where I thought I was done riding forever.  I made other plans, did other things, even (gasp) picked up other hobbies.  I can't go back to riding 5-6 days a week again but I do want to ride twice a week.  If I can find the time.

Theo, however, is very focused.  Locked and loaded.  Seriously, look at this very fancy Third level horse.  And my hands are in the right zip code!

While Theo has Second 3 mastered, I'm still catching up.  This weekend will be two lessons and then another ride on Tuesday on my way to the university where I now teach.

Oh, right, on top of getting my doctorate, my full time job, and my two horses, I also teach some graduate level classes on analytics in Maine now.  You know, in my copious free time.  I started in January when I was offered an opportunity too good to pass up.  So it's great, but it's also a big time sink.

I was looking at my calendar and realized June is going to be a disaster.  I'm going camping Memorial day weekend.  Then it's NEDA Spring where I'll be grooming for Theo while Trainer Z does their freestyle.  Then it's my turn to show the next weekend.  Holy mackerel, it's practically here!  We were thinking about doing another show on the 16th but I'm currently thinking NOPE because it's also commencement season so I've got extra nonsense at the university.  And I need to get my dissertation proposal submitted in June assuming my methodologist ever gets back to me.

Such a good boy while I'm trying to not spook at random squirrels after Trainer Z moved me outside so I could stop being so spooky.  Not the horse, me.

I'll be able to get this all reined back in once my commitments made from before my return finish but for now, it's like I'm leading multiple lives.  I have clinics with both Theo and Kiki scheduled this month along with an AI seminar at the university.  And the hubby wants me to go mountain biking with him.  

I expect to careen into July exhausted, over caffeinated, and still feeling grateful that I have these things to worry about.  Two weeks until I'm back in the show ring!

Money money money!

 I went and got myself something pretty.  And huge.  Massive some would say.

The Behemoth had picked up enough gremlins that we decided a 20 year career would be enough.  The Behemoth is going to be moved on to a job slightly less demanding.  This is Betty.  Betty is a 2023 GMC Sierra 2500 HD so basically the exact same truck but with only 10 miles on it when purchased.  It's nice having things like a back up camera and integrated Android Auto.  The payments are less nice.  I traded in my daily driver car so the hubby and I are sharing his little compact hybrid and saving Betty for hauling.  We both work from home so one commuter car works just fine.

I still need to get the gooseneck hitch installed but that can wait until after Christmas.  My first hauling expedition looks to be April when I bring Kiki up to live with Trainer Z in her youngster field.  She's got a filly that is just one week older than Kiki that will be looking for a new pasture mate in April when her current friend is due to foal so it will all work out beautifully.  The two yearling fillies will have a friend and Kiki goes straight from her breeder to Trainer Z.   This means I'll have both of my trouble makers at the same address and I can start teaching Kiki to go for walks in preparation for breed shows that start in July.

Two ponies and a new truck means a certain amount of strain on the ol' checkbook.  But that's fine!  I calculated and simulated and it's a totally reasonable lift.  It's fine.

So yeah, right after I did that Theo made it clear that he only wants the Custom Saddlery Wolfgang Solo saddle that Trainer Z had been using because it fit her better.  It also fits me better so no loss there but it's still a saddle purchase.  Ugh.  I'm hoping the good mojo from it being Schrodie's former saddle will rub off on Theo.  I'll freely admit that I really like the saddle and Theo goes like a dream in it so it falls under the heading of buying Theo anything he wants to make him happy.  There is actually a category with that header in my budget.  I'm also keeping the Frank Baines because it's the same make and model that Kiki's breeder uses on her cobs so I'll probably want that in a couple years.

Theo's also scheduled to get his hocks done this month because next season is Third Level work and he's turning 19.  He's sound and we want to keep it that way.  He he also made it clear during his fall crazies that he could use a round of ulcer treatment to get him back to a blank slate before the next show season.  Both omeprazole and sucralfate, please.  As the kids say, I'm broke as a joke.

On the plus side, the crazies were brief this year and I only missed two lessons.  One for crazies, one because I went on vacation (gasp!).  We're already back to work figuring out how to get a quality half passe at both the trot and canter.  We may skip Third 1 and go for Third 2 as it suits Theo better.  The quicker the transitions and movements, the happier he is.  He'll also be hitting the circuit with his Second Level freestyle with Trainer Z in 2023.  We're talking about him qualifying for regionals.  He did so well at Saugerties that it seems like a good idea.  At least it seems like a good idea when it's months away.  It's more a Trainer Z problem than mine, I'm going to be working on my dissertation next September when the championships roll around.  But with a professional in the saddle and new ulcer meds on board, he may actually have a chance at Second Level freestyle.  Stranger things have happened.

Cob Mob

 I got to visit Kiki!  It was also the day that I dropped off the last check for her purchase and started transferring all of her paperwork to me as she's being weaned.  So I'm broke.  But let's focus on the cute.

Oh dear, Kiki

Poor Kiki, she's going through her first awkward phase that I've observed.  She's always been so balanced and then I came around the corner and just burst out laughing.  Oh, honey.  That butt.  What the hell?  

She's definitely in the middle of a growth spurt.  Her breeder and I agreed that we lucked out that she waited until after her inspection to pull this particular 'hide her behind the barn' phase.  Not unexpected at all, just hilarious for a filly that has hardly had a day where she didn't look perfect.  No, it's not the angle of the picture, she's just ridiculously butt high on the day I visited.  But I cuddled her and gave her all the skritches all the same because I know she'll catch up with that butt soon enough.

Kiki, honey, you don't fit anymore

She's still the sweet, sensitive young lady I've met before.  She absolutely loves to be touched, even on her belly or legs.  She doesn't really care so long as she's getting groomed.  She's putting on her winter coat and while the rest of the class of 2022 are showing how dark they can go, Kiki is sticking to her frosted buckskin look.  She has dark hairs mixed in but she isn't showing any signs of going super dark like the other foals.  She's hanging on to her light buckskin look and I'm delighted.

She's also a total heathen.  She has left  a lot of bite marks on the other foals.  I got to spectate while she reared and goaded the colt into galloping for her entertainment.  I didn't get pictures since I was out of range but she has the colt of the group well entertained.  They're being weaned together due to being very close in age and the other filly her age heading home to Canada today.  It's going to be a rough week for the class of 2022 with one foal leaving and two being weaned.  It had to happen but that doesn't mean it will be an easy week for a mama's girl like Kiki.  She certainly won't be alone but it won't be her favorite day.

A little grooming session with Avanti while I was on rump scratching duty

Back at home, I had an unobserved Theo ride and then he got a mini spa day.  We're going to avoid clipping him until after his last show of the season and then we're going to clip him conservatively since he's got a pro that can wait all day for him to dry if necessary.  The hope is that more hair = less tantrums.  I really don't want to risk Trainer Z.  They have a show together next weekend and then it's the off season for them.  There's a Second Level freestyle to finish and the final polish on his Third Level moves.  Trainer Z and I both have plans for next season.

He's sexy and he knows it

2023 is coming fast and I'm going to have my hands full showing a yearling filly and my Third Level horse (YES I'M GOING FOR IT).  I will catch up on my sleep now because come May?  Sleep is for the weak.

OMG

 Who's got two thumbs and a riding lesson for this Saturday?

This girl!

Me and the hubby at Beyond the Eats with Alton Brown.  I'm such a fangirl of his.

Yes, all my lovely readers, I get to ride Theo in a lesson!

It's not as exciting as it sounds.  It's more like a 20 minute pony ride with supervision but I'm excited.  Super, super excited.  I visited Theo last weekend to give him his spring shear.  I removed half a wheelbarrow worth of fuzz.  I'm not exaggerating, I had to use a wheelbarrow to clean up the hair.  I didn't get a picture but it was ankle deep on him.  I was up half the night sneezing up a small pony's worth of hair that I'd managed to inhale.

How about a picture of me and the hubby at a 5k instead of me sneezing up horse hair?

After clipping, I ended up hanging out and talking to some riders while watching some rides.  I had so much longing as others tacked up their horses and rode them and discussed their show season.  I wanted to ride my damn horse!  But I agreed with my husband (and my mom and the chiro and half the eastern seaboard) that I would not ride Theo without supervision.  By the time I left, I was knew I needed to message Trainer Z and try to set up a lesson time.  She was eager for me to have a lesson and booked me for 30 minutes on Saturday.

OMG.

Now I have to find my stuff!  I last rode in June and it was all in my Western tack.  I had to actually order a new set of breeches (the Covid 15 is no joke).  I found my tall boots in the back of my closet and my helmet was hanging up near them.  It's supposed to be 46 degrees so a long sleeve shirt and a vest will round out the outfit.  All the rest of my gear is already there, waiting for me with my horse.  I may or may not have taken advantage of a discount code to get Theo a whole new set of gear in lotus pink from PS of Sweden . . . 

And yes, Theo is still mine in the ways that count.  We had a major make out session during his post clip groom.  He loves getting curried right after a clip.  Even my fantastic Haas curry comb can't get right to the skin when he's in his full winter coat.  I was grooming him, he was grooming me, it was like nothing changed.  He still comes when called, even with his buddies and his ridiculously large hay bale waiting for him.  I wormed him for Trainer Z since he's still easier for me to handle.

Oh, and he's still an asshole.  He apparently escaped from his stall one day just to show a new employee that he could do it.  Stood in the aisle and chilled until someone made a fuss about him being loose, then scooted back into his stall.  They added bars to his stall so he can't hang his head out since he's basically unstoppable when he can reach the latch.  He also busted loose on the lunge again.  Seriously, Theo, you're nineteen.  Knock it off!  I warned Trainer Z to lunge him after his clip since he does enjoy doing his naked dance after a clip.  Those toddler stallions have nothing on him.

If all goes well, I'll get set up with a once a week lesson.  It will be the only riding I do in a week but it's a hell of a lot more riding than I'm doing right now.  Theo's actually training will be with Trainer Z, I'm just the owner that comes out to flop around once a week.  But I'm looking forward to it.  He looks so good under saddle now, I want to experience him when he's all fit and tuned up.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my body is up for this.  I feel good, though.  I really do think it's time.

Silver lining

 Yes, sending Theo off to be someone else's dressage partner has been hard, but I'm trying to find the silver lining.  I'm still a horse mom and I still get to do the fun stuff like embarrassing my horse and spending hours making him beautiful.  

Poor pony suffering through a spa day

In some ways I get to be his favorite person.  I can't ask for anything hard in the saddle so it's all about the lazy and the cookies.  There's a lot to be said for being the favorite person.  

And Theo is just as happy with one partner or another.  No, he's not a horse that bonds with people quickly, but he's now very confident that he's going to be treated fairly and rewarded for his work.  I've read that horses can remember people for seven years.  Theo's memories of BC (before Catie) are getting awfully fuzzy at this point.  He's a show horse through and through now, a respected and loved dressage horse that knows the moves and people consider a pleasure to ride.  He'll be happy to have an outlet for his busy mind and a chance to be big and powerful.

When people try to make Theo little is when Theo explodes.  I know better than to try to make him little.  Little is not safe when dealing with Theo.

He has a paddock with brand new sand footing thanks to our ridiculous weather.  Flash floods again last night!  But not a problem with his lovely new run in shed and sand paddock.

New digs!

Trainer Z's outdoor ring is lovely and drains really well.  Her indoor is well underway and should be done for this fall.  At that point Theo will have a stall attached to the arena with a run out.  Or he'll be such a heathen that he has to stay out in the run ins with Trainer Z's stallions.  Could go either way.  Theo acts a bit more like a toddler stallion than any 18 year old should . . . 

Tomorrow morning he gets to work with Trainer Z.  The plan is three months of just fitness, getting his topline back and rebuilding all of that hunky muscle.  Then Trainer Z can spend a couple months figuring out where he's at and if he's interested in doing the hard work again.  At six months we'll revisit and come up with a plan for the spring.  Once he's back in work he will probably meet some potential dance partners but no rush or pressure on that.  Right now it's all about getting him fit and making sure he's happy and ready to get back to his big boy work.

As for me?  I'm already scheduled to come visit at the end of August and spectate as Trainer Z rides.  Once he's back in work and I get the green light that he's safe?

LESSONS FOR CATIE

Probably walk trot lessons but they will be damn fancy walk trot lessons.  It gives me something to look forward to as I shift to life as a dressage horse owner instead of a dressage rider.  I'll be one of those owners that only rides supervised and has the trainer warm up their horse but screw it.  Couldn't be a bronc rider forever.

And then?

 I've spent the last few weeks trying to just get stuff settled into a sustainable pattern.  Shoes, supplements, stabling, training, all of it.  And I seem to be just about done with that.  Theo is working regularly, all of his needs are being met, and he is on his way to being fit again.  I'm riding part time and enjoying it.

He's so darn pretty

And then?

That's kind of the trick question right now.  As emergency mode fades away and I start to think long term I stall out.  What the heck am I going to do with Theo long term?  What makes sense for us?  I need him to be happy and well but I also need to consider how this will work for me.  I just got accepted to a doctorate program.  I didn't think I'd have a horse in my life so I intended to continue my education.  Awkward.

There's also the part where I can't do a lot of things.  I know from experience that a fit Theo that's doing big boy work can be a handful.  I distinctly remember him dancing the dance of his people around the ring while learning his changes.  Opening that can of worms is a non-starter for me.  Once he's learned something he totally doesn't care but I certainly can't be the one to teach him this stuff.  I need all four on the floor.  And let's be honest, his collected trot is a nightmare to sit even for people that actually have discs between their vertebrae.  

Theo has opinions about my bouncing during his trot

I'm too goal oriented to just show up, brush the pony, and ride around the arena.  I need to have something to work on, a goal to measure our progress, lessons, structure, all of that.  My old goal was the Bronze but the chances of me sitting the trot work in a Third Level test?  Pretty dang low.  My body may surprise me and from what I understand of my situation, technique may save the day.  It's all about minimizing the compressive forces.  But reality is that I'm not going to be working a mid-level dressage horse full time if I want to have a functioning neck 10 years from now.

Western dressage is good for keeping Theo chill and his collected jog is actually comfy to sit.  Not that I've tried it yet but even when I couldn't sit in my dressage tests I could sit his jog.  That could be a solution.  I'd still need to get a change on him but that would be a small change, more like a swap that you see in reining.  A bigger change would be even better but a small one might be easier for me to cope with these days.  Western dressage could give me something to work toward, I still haven't ridden a Level 3 test.  

Being the weirdo even at the dressage barn

It comes down to my time and my body's ability to take abuse.  Both are in shorter supply these days and it wouldn't be fair to either of us for me to take Theo on full time.  I love having him near me and riding 2-3 times a week but I already know that he won't have another partner after August.  I have to plan ahead for when his teen goes to college and it's just me.  He won't be safe for me over the winter with just a couple rides a week.  I'm going to need to find him a second rider.

Hacking out with his new friend

I'm currently thinking that I'll be one of those posts on social media asking the local horse groups if anyone wants a half lease on an experienced dressage horse.  I have to accept the fact that I can't do this on my own and I need to find someone else to help me keep him in work.  Ideally, someone that wants to be his primary partner and just accept that this middle aged ammy with a wonky neck likes to ride sometimes when he's feeling lazy.  They can focus on dressage and show him as far as they can go while I jog about on my riding days and maybe, just maybe, go to the occasional show.

Theo thinks that sounds suspiciously like work

He's very happy now with his teenager, my friend, and me giving him attention.  He's doing once a week lessons with a local dressage trainer and putting muscle back on.  Everyone is on the same page and working on making him less lazy and more fit.  He'll be back to being a real dressage horse by fall.  And then we start hunting for a new dance partner for him.

Quality time

It's really weird being the one coming back from injury.  Usually it's the equine that's coming back from time off.  This time it's me taking baby steps because I'm not 100% sure how my body is going to respond.  Theo is totally fine and ready to work.  His mom?  Not so much.  I was limping a bit after a 5k on Sunday where I over did it and my upper back was all tight and unhappy.  I did not want to be dragged around by a bucking bronco but the vet wants him getting consistent movement to help with the circulation in his sheath.  Sigh.  Vet's orders, Theo, you've got to move that body.

I'm starting to get back into my routine.  After work, I buzzed out to the barn.  I spent some quality time getting his mane and tail back in order.  His mane needed to be up in braids before he did any work to prevent overheating and his tail was actually touching the ground.  Not ideal for ground work where he'll back up repeatedly.  His tail was a tangled mess but with enough Eco-licious and patience I got the whole thing brushed out and trimmed to a respectable sport horse length.  He got dressed up in a surcingle, full boots, and a snaffle headstall.  

I noticed a shift as soon as I put his bridle on.  He was fussing at his bit and being a bit impatient where he'd been almost asleep before.  I took him to the arena and walked him in hand while some other riders were finishing up.  It gave me time to make sure his brakes were fully installed and his attention was on me.  At first he was being pushy and impatient but as nothing interesting happened, he settled in.  I popped him on the lunge to verify the verbal commands were still in place.  We had a very boring ten minutes of trotting with some canter mixed in.

Super clever dressage pony is proud of himself for 10 minutes of work and only tripping once

He looked good in his body.  With a bit of coaxing he dropped his head for a good stretch over his topline while trotting.  Next time I'll pop on the Vienna reins to see if we can get him really working over that back.  I was pleasantly surprised to see him tracking up at the walk and picking up his hinds in the trot.  He's definitely got some extra energy in the tank right now.  I didn't get to see his right side since that's the side he bolts on and I wanted to end with a calm, positive experience to build on.  For both of us.

Overall we worked for about 40 minutes with manners and getting him settled into working mode.  I know the land porpoise is lurking under the surface and I had his side reins on to keep him from being able to really get creative if he decided to bolt.  Just a little head shake and some tail flicks this time.  I was grateful.  He got cookies for being such a good boy and following all of my commands promptly, then he went into the wash stall to have his still rather swollen junk cold hosed.  He did not like that much.

RUDE!

This was his expression and pose for most of that 20 minutes while he tried to figure out why I was hitting him in such a rude spot with cold water.  Poor baby.  It did look much better after 40 minutes of power walking/trotting and some cold hosing.  He's also getting 1g of bute a day to help things along.  The barn owner is hosing him for me today so I can get caught up on work from the past two days.

Theo seems delighted with all of the attention, even the cold water bits.  He's the new horse in the barn so everyone wants to stop and say hi, give him a pet, and coo over how pretty he is.  He has almost immediately gone back to his habit of reaching out to touch anyone that passes within range of him.  Just to make sure they know he's there and available for ear scritches.  All reports are that he is being a complete gentleman in his paddock and when he's brought in for things like vet checks.  It's like he never left.

I'm going to try to coordinate so that he can have someone on him by this weekend.  He's in decent shape and if I can get the bucks out of him, he should be ready for an advanced rider to figure out just what we're dealing with.  But how do you ask a friend to get on a horse that is 90% likely to rip some big bucks and bolt?  Hm.  I may need to get some bribery supplies.

Will I, won't I

 My husband suggested I sell Theo since it's been over a year since I last rode.  What's the point of paying for a horse that I don't ride and don't even visit?  I burst into tears and said I don't visit because if I do, I will get on and ride.  Well, he's coming home.  Now what?

Part of me is excited.  My pony is coming home!  I can brush out his ridiculous tail and dress him up all matchy matchy.  I had him 1.5 hours away to keep me from being tempted but that is going away.  While I have a lot of things that will be disrupted and upset by this, including potentially my health, I would be lying if I said no part of me was happy that Theo is coming home.  But that's the danger.  It's so easy for me to just slip back into old patterns with no real concern for the risk.  Humans are so good at rationalizing things they want.

I'm at increased risk.  No, it's not as bad as the neurologist was telling me and simple chiropractic care has brought the tic and the pain completely under control.  The pressure on my spine has been relieved and the curve of my neck has been changed.  Chiro didn't seem bothered by me riding but didn't want to see me getting thrown around (like, say, a horse bolting on the lunge line like a certain gorgeous beast likes to do).  But all of this improvement has happened without the trauma of horse back riding and the discs are still going to react badly to me being lawn darted.  And there's the collection of blows to the head I've had.  I'm not a twenty-something any more.  I don't bounce.  It's not the sport that's changed but me.

It's different now because I know I'm fragile and I know my horse has a mother of a spin.  Pretty big buck, too.  He's 17 now but showing no signs of slowing down.

From his Coggins, he has so many grey hairs on his head that they have officially added a star to his markings

My husband is not happy.  Neither is mom.  They don't want me to get on Theo right now. It's a fair request.  I'm still struggling with getting in contact with any barns.  The few that have replied have all been full.  I'm visiting a place this afternoon (the place he was at last summer) so I'm hopeful.  I've got two friends that are very experienced horse people there to help remind Theo of the rules of ground manners.  One is looking for a ride while her horse is recovering from an injury (Dorkzilla and Legs's owner) and she's sat far, far worse than Theo can dish out.  Premium WB mares have mad skills.  We could potentially get him less feral and still send him off to Trainer Z when she has a spot.

I love this horse too much to just dump him as a cheap sale.  Would I free lease him to an experienced dressage rider with a trainer I know?  In a heartbeat.  A little polish and he could go right back to being a Second Level horse that is knocking on the door to Third.  But people aren't looking for horses like Theo that require very regular work and still only get 5.5 or 6 for a medium.  And don't have a consistent change.  Even as a free lease, there's no market for him.  Hard pill to swallow but there it is.  He has no value outside of what I see in him.  People looking for mid-level dressage don't want to deal with a horse that occasionally does his impression of a land porpoise unless they're getting amazing scores.  His scores are good, not amazing.

As my husband said, Theo has the attitude and behaviors of an upper level horse and needs an upper level rider.  But he doesn't have the scores to support an upper level rider's ambitions.  Go figure.

Will I go back to riding?  I don't know yet.  This sudden change is still settling into my brain.  I want to ride him but I have to be smart about it. Either way I'm getting my truck and trailer ready to go pick him up.  Truck needed $3k of work, go figure.  New tires are on the way for the trailer.  Theo's spring shots and Coggins are already done and the paperwork is in hand.  Come May, I will be managing the most amazing tail in the region.  What the rest of the horse is going to be doing?  Who knows.  But come the heat of July when he doesn't even want to move, you might find me sitting in the saddle again.

Moving Day

 Today was hard.  While moving Theo only an hour away isn't that big of a deal, what it represented was a very big deal.  I've handed Theo over to Trainer D to manage.  Until further notice, she's completely in charge of his schedule.  She'll be riding him and using him in lessons.

I'm very proud of myself that I didn't cry while dropping him off or setting up his new locker.

His western tack is with him since her son is trained to ride western and in love with Theo.  I can see him happily jogging around with a nine year old that thinks he's amazing.  It's a reining barn so I won't be surprised if his western dressage training gets some use.  He's an incredibly cool horse to ride in western tack and I hope someone else can enjoy that.  I think Trainer D is looking to branch out a bit and she couldn't find a better partner than mi papi.  If she wants to dip her toe in the ranch horse or western dressage ring, Theo is perfect.

I caught part of one of his lessons today and he helped a young lady finally achieve her goal of cantering.  Perfect walk to canter, keeping the beat like a vaulting horse while she grinned.  He's getting to help so many people reach their goals now.  I have to take a break, but he's still at work.  A job that he now seems to love.  Trainer D is there every step of the way to protect him and that makes all the difference.  He's a beloved partner, not the Thigh Master that people dread being stuck with.  He goes for trail rides and jumps the jumps and gets all the cookies.  If someone needs to learn to jump or canter, he's the boy.  Carefully, with big releases.  Trainer D is very protective of his mouth since she intends to show him herself once the pandemic is over.

Five years ago I took him to our first two-phase and was proud he stayed in the dressage ring.  Today I handed him off so he can do his thing while I figure out how to get my health back in order.  I finally have a pretty good idea of what happened and while it's still degenerative, it's long term.  I can't hang with him right now because I start to think that one ride wouldn't hurt.  I could just swing on, I wouldn't do much, surely it would be safe . . . 

Nope.  The more time I spend with him, the more I want to do the dumb thing and ride.  This is for the best.

I didn't take any pictures today.  I didn't have it in me.  He was happy to get in the trailer and very happy to find a new stall full of hay.  I don't expect this to be a big change in his world.  Same trainer, many of the same students, just a different stall and turn out.  And arena.  He might be squirrely for a bit as he gets used to the new outdoor rings but Trainer D knows what she's in for and she's ready to take it on.  I left all of his lunging gear, just in case.

Hopefully, next spring, I'll be able to put my foot in the stirrup again.  In the meantime, I've got a half marathon to train for and a garden to manage and a whole string of bikes to exercise.  I might even put Peyton back in obedience classes to fulfill my competitive tendencies.

I miss him already.

Second Opinion

 I'm sure everyone can appreciate how frightened I was when I was referred to a neurosurgeon.  That's a certain level of 'holy crap' that's not fun.  Impingement of the nerve, degenerative disc disease.  I wanted to ask 'how much longer do I have, doc?'.  I was horrified, frightened, and not at all willing to talk to a neurosurgeon.  I had to do a project for work on the results of spinal procedures (I work for a healthcare cost transparency company) and lets just say, those numbers are not pretty.  40% of procedures aren't necessary?  18% are worse after the procedure?  Those are not odds I'm cool with!  And with multiple levels involved (C4 - C6 for those watching at home) and anterior and osteoarthritis, I was considered 'complicated'.  Ha.  Ha ha.  Ha ha ha.  NO.

Fast forward to me bringing a copy of my MRI images to the chiro. I didn't tell my neurologist, I just picked up the disc and brought it to the chiro.  Fun fact, they must release your images to you and they don't get to ask why.  They are yours and you can have them.  Do not listen to anyone that tells you otherwise, this is protected by law.  I filled out a form and they handed me a disc.  I didn't even see my images before this, I just got a phone call stating that I was being referred to a neurosurgeon.  I was frightened and not even sure my chiro would see me anymore.  That scared me a lot considering she'd ended my SI pain and I really didn't want that to return.  But who would treat someone that was so messed up that she might be paralyzed and needs a surgeon?  I brought her my images so she could decide whether or not to continue treating me.

My chiro showed me my images and . . . I'm not dying.  I have 3 bulging discs from C4 - C6.  C5 is right on the line of 'bulging' and 'herniated'.  It's pushing hard enough to deflect the sheath around my spine but my spinal cord is still traveling in a straight line.  My spine is irritated but not crushed.  She pulled up my x-ray and pointed to the bone spurs she'd spotted before around C5.  My MRI was exactly as she expected.  She's been doing this for 30 years, she's seen some things.  Am I injured?  Yes, absolutely yes.  Is my spinal cord impinged?  Yup.  Do I have neurological symptoms?  Sure.  Do I need surgery?  No, not yet.

Key word:  Yet.  One day I'll have to do something about this.  But considering what's going on, they're going to want to fuse part of my neck.  Which means I'm going to see problems above and below the fusion in the future.  I'm not in pain, I'm fully functional, why would we start that roller coaster before we have to?  So there's no surgery in my immediate future.  It's just chiro, PT, and some Advil for the days where things flare up. 

I'm still not supposed to do things that will accelerate the timeline.  No sitting trot, no broncing ponies.  BUT . . . things are looking up for my return as a h/j princess.  I'll never be able to go back to being the one that gets on the naughty pony without a care but everyone has to retire from that role at some point.  I can work toward loping around a 2'6" course with my butt out of the saddle.  Yes, there's a risk, but a reasonable risk.  At least it gives me something to work toward.

I do like to jump

Theo heads north in 9 days.  It's going to be tough but at least I have some real hope.  I do my PT, I let my chiro open up that space to take pressure off my spine, and I'll be able to put my foot in the stirrup again.  I'm not done yet.  It will be my jumping saddle but hey, that's not exactly a burden.  I do love jumping.

I think my neck situation needs a name but I haven't come up with one.  Wonky neck?  Damn discs?  There's so many options.

Cervical spondylosis and an indefinite hiatus

I really, really thought I was getting back in the saddle.  But a long delayed neurology consultation has brought that process to a screeching halt.

 My horses have always brought me so much joy

Way back in the winter I went to my PCP because I was concerned about some pins and needles problems in my hands and feet.  Fleeting, not impacting my life, but it was unnerving.  While I was there, he observed a twitch that I'd developed but had been attributed to my anxiety by my previous doctor.  It was the first time a medical professional actually saw the way my head will occasionally tic the the side all on it's own.  My little 'tic' went from anxiety quirk to real problem very suddenly.  I wasn't concerned, surely it was anxiety.  Wouldn't there be something other than a tic if I had a real problem?

Best picture of me on a horse ever taken, of course it was with my princess

I went to my consultation and got a pretty thorough examination.  My balance and coordination were overall given an A.  I had a bit of trouble with the 'touch my finger touch your nose' test but I could do it.  Just took me a second to convince my hand to hit the small target.  And he noted my range of motion in my neck is limited.  I shrugged.  No pain, my chiro has taken care of any pain and already told me that I have some bony changes.

He immediately said I was going to go get an MRI of my neck.  Apparently my little 'tic' is actually neurological.  My many years of being lawn darted by naughty ponies is coming home to roost.  My chiro mentioned that my neck was pretty screwy after she took an x-ray but I wasn't actually concerned because I had no pain.  I went to her for my SI pain (which she got completely under control) and I only noticed a difference in my neck when my sleep improved.  Apparently my neck is a bit of a big deal.  A very big deal.

The meathead taking me around my Training level eventing debut

Here's where it gets hard.  I need to avoid irritating my neck while my chiro gets things under control.  She's made a lot of progress while I've been on my riding vacation.  She's not exactly eager for me to go back to beating my spine up by sitting trot.  My neurologist is throwing a flag on the play because I really shouldn't be taking a blow to the head and neck.  Theo is wonderful but he's got a mother of a spin.  It would be very easy for me to have a violent interaction with the ground.  The word 'paralysis' was brought up.  I really, really don't want to be paralyzed.

Mi papi has always been a handsome dude

Theo is going to be heading to a new barn near Trainer D.  She will be keeping him happy and in work.  He's really bonded with her and she loves him.  He will, frankly, not miss me a bit.  He's got a very nice lady that sees him five times a week and thinks he hung the moon.  He'll teach some kids to jump and some nervous ladies to canter.  Trainer D wants to take him to some shows and I can play the part of supportive owner.  I'll wear a sun dress and a big hat.

Best dressage pony

As for me?  I'll keep running (approved activity) and road cycling (approved activity).  I'm allowed to do some mountain biking but I need to buy a neck brace in case of unplanned dismounts.  Full suspension bike is actually pretty easy on the neck and the chiro would rather have me on the mountain bike where I'm more upright.  Neurologist is a mountain bike rider himself and thinks the road is better for avoiding dumb crashes but the neck brace is a solid compromise.  It's almost like he knows what I'm going to do while I'm goofing around on trails . . .

Regional championships

I'm heart broken, no lie.  It's been very difficult for me to accept this.  Will I get back in the saddle in the future?  I don't know.  Posting trot and cantering out of the saddle are not a problem and Theo is settling with age.  It's quite possible you'll see us in the future doing 2' hunter courses with my fanny never really touching the saddle.  My chiro is feeling good about my progress and doesn't think I'll be so limited in the future.  If he completes his transition to perfect school master, he'll be perfect for letting me put my foot in the stirrup again.  But that's not today.  Today, I am starting to pack up his gear and bringing my dressage gear home.

Reviewing our tests at a show

This wasn't the ending I'd planned for my dressage career but we achieved so much, I can't be too disappointed.  I certainly won't throw myself into a desperate attempt at getting those last scores at the risk of more neurological damage.  I'm only 41.  I have a lot of years to plan for and if I play my cards right now, those years will be pain-free and active. 

Champion at New England Western Dressage Championships

So the blog will probably be on indefinite hiatus as it's a horse blog and I won't be in the saddle.  I expect to post the occasional update and if Theo goes to a show, I will definitely post pictures.  Maybe, one day, I'll get the green light and you'll see pictures of me in the saddle again.

Second level super star

Until then, give your ponies a hug and enjoy any chance to get in the saddle.

Exiting lock down

So there's this pandemic thing going on . . .

Yes, I'm fine and Theo's fine.  Back in March Covid-19 brought my state to a screeching halt.  My office went on mandatory work from home and all non-essential businesses were closed.  At first I had planned on keeping Theo in work through the lock down but as advisories changed I found myself in the high risk category.  I have a cardiac condition.  Fun!

I went into full lock down for six weeks.  I left my house only for groceries or for my chiropractor to keep my SI pain in check.  No barn, no visits with friends, nothing.  It was very hard and the cabin fever was real.  I redirected a lot of my attention into gardening.

I did not see Theo for six weeks.  He did stay in work since Trainer D was working at the barn to keep the stalls clean and the horses fed.  She worked him and let others working at the barn ride him.  I handed all control of him over to her.  It was a relief to be able to do that so I felt no guilt while staying at home and doing my part to flatten the curve.

The barn started to open back up but I found myself in no hurry to rush back.  2020 goals are not going to happen with all of the shows cancelled so what's the rush?  I'd already been having trouble with my motivation before all of this happened.  I left Trainer D in charge of him as her lesson program restarted.  I rode my bike and took care of my roses.

I got an email saying the barn was for sale but I didn't think too much of it.  Barns don't sell quickly and in this economy?  Could be quite some time.

Whoops.  Barn sold very quickly and I met the new owners tonight along with the rest of the boarders.  No changes announced, Trainer D is still in charge of training, but the day to day care will have a new face starting Friday.  Hm.  Legs's owner was there and goaded me about not coming out to ride for almost three months.

Three months?  How did that happen?  It's like I entered some sort of worm hole when I went into lockdown.  I blinked and suddenly it's summer.  Theo is dappled, gorgeous, and happy.  Everyone tells me how sweet and perfect he's been.  He hasn't put a foot wrong in any lesson and has quite the fan club.  Even an offer should I ever decide to part with him.

Of course he's still Theo.  I also got a bill for the three water buckets he destroyed when he went through a phase of demolishing any bucket that dared to be less than half full.  Also knocked over the barn owner and escaped before sunrise one morning.  And broke another halter.  Heathen.

I set the date.  Friday, I return to the saddle.  I have a big bruise on my butt due to a wipe out on my bike (clipless pedals are not for the klutzy) so I did not want to ride tonight while at the barn.  Theo got hand grazed and cookies instead.  I'll go back on Friday and see how much I've forgotten during lock down.  I tried to keep up on my cardio with running and cycling so hopefully it won't be too pathetic.  There's all new management, I can't be hands off mom while that's going on.  Maybe once I feel confident in the new management I can give myself permission to slack again but for now?  Time to be a helicopter mom again.

Please, Theo, be as nice to mommy as you are to those kids you cart around.  I have more cookies than they do.  And I pay for your food.

Struggle

It's not really a training struggle this time, or a Theo struggle.  This time it's all me.  I don't want to go to the barn.

There, I said it.  I don't want to go to the barn.

A large part of it is the weather.  We had a nasty cold snap with a high of 8*, about 6 inches of snow, and most of a week where temps are at 15* or lower when I'm able to get out to ride.  I have a policy of not making my horse breathe hard at 15* or lower, so no real point in riding.  And it's just freaking cold.  I went out for his massage and my fingers hurt after spending 1.5 hours in the 10* weather.  Rather than ride, I went home to have a hot cocoa.

I'm trying to make this okay in my head.  I usually take a week or two off in the winter due to the stupid weather.  This time is a bit different as I technically could be out there riding.  I just don't want to.  So Theo is enjoying a vacation where's he's been ridden about 4 times in two weeks.  Two of those rides were with Trainer D.

I'm hoping my motivation will come back with the sun.  Right now, I'm being a total introvert and barely leaving the house.  On the positive side, it's given me a bunch of time I don't usually have so I got caught up on the vacuuming and I've had more time to cook, which I love doing.

Strip steak, butterfly lobster tail, asparagus, and sauteed wild mushrooms

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about my complete lack of desire to go ride.  I've got plenty of interest in doing other things, just not going to the barn.  I may have stumbled onto all the things I miss out on when I'm riding five days a week and how relaxing it is to come home from work, putter around the house, hit the treadmill, and be done with my day.  Riding takes up at least 2.5 hours each day.  I can get a lot of vacuuming done in that time. 

I may need to start looking for a half leaser again.  There's life outside the barn and I've missed it.

Transportation

Not horse related but my car has been featured several times on the blog so it seemed appropriate to provide an update.

I've had this car forever.  I had it before I had Theo, Ben, Fiona, and the blog.  I had it back when Allen was in retirement and I was at my first professional job as an Excel guru at Monster.com.  A 13 year relationship is not one to dismiss lightly.  I'm the opposite of a commitment-phobe.  I bought it brand new back in 2006 and drove it freaking everywhere.  My tiny 2007 Toyota Yaris 3 door liftback was declared the equivalent of a golf cart at the local horse trial and was used to move 5 teenagers, two adults, and two gassy dogs down to stadium to do a course walk.

All good things must come to an end and even my beloved Yaris has a lifespan.  I'd entered a pattern where each year at inspection I needed work.  New exhaust, new suspension, new exhaust manifold, all the things that wear out as you go way outside the usual lifespan of a vehicle.  I also had manual everything.  Windows, locks, transmission.  Want to confuse a teenager in 2019?  Tell them to lower the window in a car without power windows.  It was hilarious.

About two weeks ago I heard a new noise.  The hubby took a look and declared my CV joint boot shredded.  Probably from when I bottomed it out several times on the dirt road during mud season.  That would explain some of the noises, rattles, and drift I'd picked up.  Unfortunately that meant my CV joint had been open to the elements for some time and I live on a dirt road.  I was in for an all new front axel in addition to whatever needed to be done this year.  A coolant flush was on the agenda as routine maintenance.  I was looking at a minimum of $1,000 yet again.  I priced out what it would take to upgrade to power locks, windows, etc.  It was a lot.  My annual inspection was looming.  With great reluctance, I decided to go see what I had for replacement options.

I was actually quite emotional about saying goodbye to AJ, my mighty jelly bean

Shopping for a car has changed a lot since 2006.  I started online, priced everything out, set my test drive appointment, even did a pre-build of what I wanted to do for a payment plan.  I went in the next day to drive the three cars I had in mind.  Once the drives were done, I picked a car and signed my name about fifty times.  I started at 10am, I was out by 1:30pm with my brandy new car that I have dubbed Brandy.

Brandy is a 2020 Toyota Yaris hatchback.  I have a type.  I like my cars tiny, fuel efficient, and just peppy enough to be fun to drive.  I now have electric everything which is just amazing.  Being out of the market for this long means I was easy to impress.  Back up camera!  I have a touch screen on my dashboard!  It's so cool!  My phone runs the touchscreen and I can now get my texts read to me and answer them out loud.  Which will probably go badly at some point in the future but for now, I'm delighted.  Keyless entry is particularly fun but I'm sure I'll lock myself out once or twice getting used to the new routine. 

Picking up a car payment does cut into my fun funds but I wasn't planning on 2020 being a big show year anyway.  It'll be a move up year with me struggling through the move up to Third and I expect to do a lot of schooling shows.  I'm looking forward to having a break from the constant repairs and maintenance.  And I can voice command my GPS to give me directions to the barn!

Heal thyself

I have joint pain and inflammation.  That's the kind of thing I've been managing for ages in my horses and it occurred to me that I should be able to manage that in myself.  Hell, it should be easier since I know exactly where it hurts and what makes it worse.

Wait, give myself a fraction of the care and maintenance my horses get?  That's crazy talk!

I've got myself on a daily supplement routine that echos what I've used with my horses, right down to having little baggies all set up so I don't have to think about it or try to remember things in the morning.

What's in there?

• Glucosamine/Chondrotin/MSM joint supp
• Turmeric
• Devil's Claw
• Probiotic
• Multi vitamin gummy (because I'm an adult) that are hard to see because they're dark

The Devil's Claw stuff works surprisingly well.  Probably shouldn't be a surprise since it's the supp that allowed me to take Allen off of his maintenance dose of bute once he was retired from competition.  I take 960 mg twice a day.  The Devil's Claw doesn't upset my stomach while getting the job done (when paired with a lidocaine patch, it's not a complete answer to my pain management on its own).

The probiotic is something I've been on since I did my run of doxy.  Antibiotics are not picky on what kind of bacteria they kill.

The turmeric is because the hubby swears by it and he's a nutty mountain biker so he does have some experience with jarring joints.  It will reportedly kick in after about two weeks.  It's already in the cabinet so sure, I'll pop it in.  I'll skip the willow bark he uses, though, my stomach is way too sensitive.

'Gravity assisted' mountain biking at the local mountain bike park last weekend

The joint supp is the obvious one.  I know I'll need to keep taking it for it to do me any good, it's not going to make me feel better out the gate.  And it's just helping me not grind my joints down more, not really repairing what I've already done.  But MSM is another anti-inflammatory I swear by for my horse so in the bag it goes.

Maybe I'll learn from this and go see the chiro for myself.  I'm sure Theo would be pleased if I was a more balanced, supple rider.  His chiro noted a locked up spot in his back right under my right seat bone, the side where I'm having SI problems.  Hm, I wonder if that's related . . .