Acceptance and moving forward

 I've already found my limit for riding.  I sat canter a bit too long and the next day?  I felt awful.  Numbness in my left fingers, seizing muscles all around my neck and shoulders, the works.  Forty minutes and sitting the canter is my limit?  That hurts.  That hurts a lot.  I can't do anything with riding limits like that!  I mean, I could go out for a trail ride but that's not where I want to be and it's so hard for me to make myself stop.  In the moment everything feels fine but the next day, my body is certainly letting me know that it can't cope with that amount of force and movement through my spine.  It's proving very, very difficult for me to ride within these new limitations when I know Theo needs more.  I want to work through something, make progress, but there's just not enough time.  Especially when I'm riding so infrequently.

Also discovered I can't ride this beauty for more than a couple hours without repercussions the next day, wonky discs suck

Theo is off to Trainer Z at the end of the month.  Not to be rehabbed but to finish getting back into shape and potentially meet new dance partners.  She's got a spot with a run in opening up and she's starting construction on her own indoor.  She's got riders looking for a lease and Theo could become a Third Level horse with some fitness and polish.  I would love to show up to shows next season in my big hat and cheer him on.  I would also love to split his bills with someone.  Love that horse but he ain't cheap.

Trainer Z also offered a spot if he needs to become a pasture pet so he doesn't have to move all over New Hampshire.  I almost cried.  It's a chance for Theo to have just one more move and live with someone that really cares for him.  I will visit and take some lessons when I feel good but it won't be my job to fight the good fight.  If it's cold and my neck hurts, I don't have to go to the barn.  That will be Trainer Z followed by whoever she picks out as Theo's partner.  I'll just show up, have fun, and go on my way.  

This setup I can ride all day and be fine, I did a five hour ride with no problems.  Victory!  I look dorky but victory!

It's chaotic right now and it will be expensive sending him off for training but Theo's been enjoying his return to work.  He respects and more importantly likes Trainer Z.  He'll appreciate a trained seat and hands while he learns the big boy moves.  I'll appreciate being able to totally sign off on managing his work schedule.  

Part of me is heart broken that I've already found my limit.  I can't show if I've only got 40 minutes of riding in me.  Maybe it'll get better if he's stronger over his topline but I rather doubt it.  He'll get bouncier, not smoother.  Maybe if I get stronger?  I don't know.  But this time I know it's coming so I can face it and process it.  I'll be selling my jumping and western dressage tack.  They're just collecting dust.  Anyone want a Frank Baines Evolution or a Harmony western dressage saddle?  All of his dressage gear will head north with him even though I know Trainer Z's saddle fits him and she won't be using his saddle.  Better safe than sorry.

Don't tell the neurologist about this outing

I've given notice to the current barn.  I'll always be grateful to them for giving us a place to land and giving Theo the opportunity to settle after . . . whatever was going on.  His teenager is off to college this fall so this is only a little earlier than she was expecting.  Legs's owner just picked up a new mare so her dance card is very full.  I start orientation Aug 9 for my DBA program.  It's kind of the perfect time for Theo to quietly slip away to go be a professionally trained horse.  

I'll sneak in a few extra rides while I can.  And Trainer Z is down for me to come up for lessons where I'm the busted adult ammy owner that wants to play pretend.  I have nothing to prove, I paid my dues and rode the big bucks.  We both know I'm not a wimp, I'm just busted.  I have limited miles and I want those miles to be the fun parts.  Maybe I'll ask to ride her Grand Prix stallion Muffin and see what a piaffe feels like . . . 

With lots and lots of Advil, of course.