I watched my test again in the harsh light of day and yeah, something's broken. Our scores have been dropping all season. I know it's not all about the scores, but when all of the judges think we've gone backwards, something is up. But that's not why I couldn't put the file away. I couldn't put it away because I was also being told it was the nicest test I've done. I came out of the ring and thought that was really good. I was told it was really good. Not just 'good job doing what we wanted to do' but good as in getting a really good score. But it's my lowest scoring.
But he sure is pretty
You can see why the file just doesn't want to fit. I left Theo's head there. I'm watching my test wondering why I left him like that, especially at a show. I could have easily tucked him in a couple more degrees so that he was just a bit ahead of the vertical without messing everything up. But I did it because I was told to in warm up. I've been very specifically told to leave his head alone, which with Theo, means he's going to go around with his nose out. Because that is how the Theo do and it's been weeks of me letting him do whatever with his head while we straighten him out.
Yesterday, I was that fool that goes in, isn't prepared, and then blames the judge for my poor score.
So here I am, having a terrible revelation. Trainer A either doesn't know we're not ready for the test or she's lying to me to make me feel better. Either way, not cool. If I'd gone in with the mission to go straight, no curl, and accept my rough score because that's where we're at? I could have gone home smiling because mission accomplished. If I'd been told to drop down to First 1 because we've had to back up to fix some things, so be it. But I wasn't. I was sent in thinking I was competitive.
Going First level last season
I guess I bought my trailer and scheduled my lesson just in time. I don't want to go backwards. I started my season all shining hope and readiness. Now we've slid back to the point we look like we should be doing Training level. And worse, I felt like it was a solid test. I felt like I'd presented my horse well and correctly for the level. Hell, two weeks ago I'd been led to believe he could move up to Second in a couple months. Apparently, I don't know where we're at anymore.
I'm responsible for my own riding. I know. At the end of the day, I rode him wrong and got smacked. I'm not looking for someone to blame. But I can't be told that it's really good by one person and that we're not ready by everyone else.