What my horses have taught me

As inspired by Viva Carlos, the lessons that my horses have taught me.

Terry (Open Gate Secretariat)

Terry gets a special mention because while I didn't own him, he was my very first equine partner.  From the age of five to the age of ten, this pony was my nemesis and my best friend. 

• You can do more than you think
• You have to do it yourself, no one else can do it for you
• Never, ever look down at a fence
• When in doubt, kick
• Some days you're going to lose no matter how hard you worked for it and that's okay
• Quick Silver should not be left on for an hour, it won't work better

Allen (All In Good Time)

My very first horse who arrived at the same time that I was discovering horse life as an adult.

• Don't be afraid to let go of control, he's better at this than you are
• You will get there when you get there
• Schoolmasters are worth more than diamonds and gold
• You don't dominate a horse, it's a team sport
• If you get the chance to do something big, just go for it, you won't regret it 
• Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway
• Go.  FORWARD.
• Never, ever pull to a fence 
• If you get dumped in a fence, you probably deserved it
• When the old man says he's done, let him be done

Fiona (Can't Drive 55)

My princess.  A Craigslist find for $800 that taught me all about taking chances.

• Sometimes you've just got to take that leap
• Listen when they say they don't want to do the job
• Don't rush talented horses
• The horse is more important than the discipline
• Galloping down to a big fence is freaking amazing with the right horse
• Chestnut TB mare is not profanity
• Dressage is fun
• Selling a horse is hell

Theo (Expect the Unexpected)

The former school horse turned show horse.

• Things are not always as they appear
• Experts can be wrong, horses don't read the training books
• Inside leg to outside rein is more than something my trainer yells at me at random
• Great mind > fancy moves
• Amazing tails are overrated
• People will never forget the past
• When you know you've found the right horse, freaking buy it
• Dressage is not about checking moves off a list
• Don't forget why you started
• Positive reinforcement works
• Make time for random trail gallops, jumping, and hour long curry sessions; the dressage arena will still be there tomorrow
• Black bay horses look amazing in every color

Princess Update

I heard the most amazing thing.  I'm still in shock and there might even be some happy tears.

I have a friend that works at UNH in a completely non-equestrian role.  While talking to a student in the equestrian program, she asked if the student knew a horse named Fiona.  The girl immediately started gushing about the sweet, spoiled princess and how everyone loved taking care of her.  She's also found a new career path.

Therapy horse.  Yes, Can't Drive 55, my exploding bomb, the mare I got for $800 because she was dangerous, has started working in UNH's therapeutic riding program.  I knew she was bombproof on the flat and on trails, we let nervous, senior riders take her out on the trails, I just didn't realize how far she could go. Who would have ever thought that the crazy chestnut mare that no one would ride would become a therapy horse?  Clearly she just needed a chance and to find the perfect job for her.

I'm looking for pictures now and if I get any, I'll share them.  I may have to gather up the courage to go visit her and take them myself.  I haven't gone to visit for fear of breaking down and begging for my mare back, but if she really has found her way into such a special, important job, I think I'll be able to be proud of her instead of trying to smuggle her home in the backseat of my Yaris.

Project Conclusion

So this is it
I say goodbye
To this chapter of my ever-changing life
And there's mistakes
The path is long
And I'm sure I'll answer for them when I'm gone

- Something to Remind You, Staind

I got my official e-mail from UNH on Friday.  They love Fiona and want her as part of the program.  The letter officially donating her to the Equine Program is on it's way.  The Princess now belongs to UNH where she will be a dressage school master for their many students.  Part of me is relieved, part of me is heart broken. I'll admit that I secretly wished for her to be sent back and even now my initial reaction was 'I've changed my mind, give me back my pony!'.  But it's done now.

And this is how Project Fiona concludes.  It wasn't the ending anyone expected, especially me.  I'm still second guessing myself, even though I know it is a perfect situation for her.  She is adored, spoiled rotten, and will never have to jump again.  When she's ready to leave the program, I have right of first refusal.  I can go visit her whenever I want.  That doesn't mean it's easy.

I haven't ridden since she left.  Poor Ben has not seen much of me.  His junior rider is having an absolute blast with him and they've been doing well at the shows.  With grad school and my continuing mixed feelings, I'm letting his lease go.  At the end of September, he'll be someone else's ride.

So now what?  This whole thing started with me looking for an eventing partner and now I'm stepping back.  I'll still be teaching and taking my weekly lessons, but riding needs to take the back seat.  My husband and I closed on a house a week ago and that's taking up a lot of time and energy.  I can't quit, any horse person knows that quitting just isn't possible, but I need to put it in the background.

Come graduation, the cycle will start all over again.  Another horse hunt.  But for now, I'm going to focus on finding my love of the sport again.  I still look for Fiona when I go in the barn, but I think it's time for me to get back in the saddle and shake this off.  She's happy, Ben is still here, and I need to remind myself why I find this hobby so addictive.

Sleepover

That's what I'm calling Fiona's trial, an extended sleepover.  She's still mine, but she's just staying over at a friend's place.

I dropped Fi off at UNH today.  I have been to the facility a lot of times, but it was my first time going into the barn. It was big, orderly, and very airy.  I was impressed and very comfortable dropping my girl off.  Of course the Princess didn't mind trailering by herself or going into a new barn.  What she did mind was the deep bedding in the big stall that was waiting for her.  It was a finer type of shavings than she's used to and at least fetlock deep.  She stopped, snorted, and wouldn't move for about thirty seconds while she stared at the bedding.  After that, she dug into her hay and just watched the world go by, already settled in.

Tomorrow, her trial will start.  I'm not sure what the plan is, but I've dropped off everything they'll need for her except for a saddle and a girth.  We'll see what she thinks of being a teacher and we'll see if UNH likes her quirky little self.

Part of me wants her to do really well and find her forever home, but I'll admit, part of me wishes she could just come home again and be my princess.  Leaving her there was much harder than I thought it would be.  But the bright side is that whatever happens next, Fi will have a safe place to call home.

Letting go

I've been awfully quiet lately, and I don't think anyone is surprised.  I've been making preparations for Fi's move to UNH, and it hasn't been easy.  Despite my foot dragging and uncertainty, the time has arrived.

Tomorrow Dorkzilla's owner is giving us a ride up to UNH.  I'm dropping the Princess off for her thirty day trial to see if she's a fit for their dressage program.

Today I went for a ride.  I haven't actually ridden her in a couple weeks, but there was no way I was going to miss my (potential) last chance to ride her.  We kept to the ring since the last thing I needed was for her to pull a shoe or get hurt, but we had a good ride and worked on the things that the teenagers don't ask her to do.  It was a good reminder of how far we've come from the borderline out of control ride that she was three years ago.  Three years ago?  We struggled to canter a circle at one end of the ring.  Today?  We worked on our counter canter, collected trot, and ten meter circles at the canter.

Afterword she got a full bath and clipping.  I want her to look the part of a show horse when she arrives tomorrow.  All of her gear has been packed and clearly labelled with her name.  I'm sending her with a good bit of her equipment because, again, I want her to go in there with every chance of being impressive.  Her own bridle, half pad, boots, and fly mask are bagged and waiting to go with her.

Her shoes were just done, all of her shots and paperwork are in order, she's current on everything, and she's as shiny as a new penny.  I've done everything I can to stack the deck in her favor for her trial.

Tomorrow is going to be a very, very rough day.

Lady in Red

Me and the Princess rocking it at UNH, First Level 1, 67%

Even with my lack of navigation skills 

Fiona has been on the market for quite awhile.  It was almost a year ago that she stopped jumping on us.  She's been for sale for about five months with no luck.  We haven't even had a nibble in awhile.  There's very little interest in a TB dressage horse, particularly not a chestnut mare.  If she was a WB or QH, she'd be long gone, but we can't even get people to come out and see her due to her breed.

With that in mind and a handsome hunk of a Meathead eating his head off, I made yet another difficult decision.  The Princess is heading off to UNH for a 30 day trial in their equine program to see if she suits.  If she's a match, I'm going to donate her to the program.

Why on Earth would I give away my precious girl?

Because she would be safer and better cared for at UNH then she would be at many homes.  I can go visit her whenever I want and can see her at the UNH shows.  I'll have right of first refusal when it's time for her to retire.  She'll get the chance to be a dressage specialist that also enjoys trail rides.  She'll be in a program and get the work and attention she deserves.

In many ways, its the ideal situation for her.  She's been helping out with the flat lessons at the barn more and more.  The students love her, she's not your typical school horse.  Kick?  Ha, only in the free walk.  Be ignored?  Never.  The Princess only ignores me when I turn into an alien in competition.  She will be happy with a parade of college kids to fuss over her, exercise her, and curry her belly.  I always said I wanted her to be more like Black Beauty than the Black Stallion, and in that I achieved my goal.  Fi will go for anyone that knows how to ask properly.

We're getting her records together and making arrangements for her sleep over.  With any luck, she'll be the dressage teacher UNH is looking for and Fiona will have found her niche.

I'll just be over here in the corner.  Gibbering.

Maturity

Fiona is not happy when the attention is not on her and today, she decided to make sure my attention was right where it belonged.

Today was Day 1 of my two day dressage show at UNH.  I entered the Opportunity classes purely because they were cheaper and I had no way to know if I would even have Fi when the show rolled around.  That means the tests are the same, but they don't count as qualifying scores for the USDF.  Same tests, same judges, same challenge.  The Princess was up to the challenge.  First 1 and First 2, we completed our move up to First Level.

To be fair, Fi hasn't been to a horse show since the disastrous GMHA back in September. 

 

She was a bit wide eyed after she was braided up and her shipping boots were put on.  Once we got to the show, she hung out by the trailer while Dorkzilla went out for his debut at Third Level.  I did have 'for sale' flyers hung up, but I tried to not look at them too much.  It was about me going out and having a good day with my princess.  Warm up was a bit exciting the the FEI horses warming up, including some stallions.  Fi was very offended by this, but after a couple of temper tantrums she settled in to a really nice frame and mind set.

And what a day we had.  The princess warmed up beautifully and I was more relaxed than my usual dressage outings.  We went in the ring and, aside from my complete inability to remember the First 1 test, laid down a heck of a trip.

Yes, you see that right.  66.6% at First Level.  Ho-ly crap.  That includes my rider error at the end.  We were the only ones in my class so the blue was kind of a silly thing, but I wanted it after I saw that score.  Highest.  Dressage.  Score.  EVER.

We also did our First 2 test, but we had a big spook due to a screaming kid and got a 61.6%.  I certainly can't complain when my 'bad' test was still well over 60%.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Fiona is a confirmed First Level horse.  She was so well behaved that both tests said 'willing and obedient' as comments.  The canter transitions were quiet, the leg yield was willing, and the stretchy circles were very stretchy.

There will be video of the First 1 test.  Dorkzilla's owner taped that test, so it should be up in a day or two.  I also paid to have a videographer tape both tests, so I'll have those in about two weeks.

And as though our day wasn't already awesome, Dorkzilla and his owner finished their Bronze Medal with two qualifying scores at Third Level!  It was a very exciting ride home for both of us. 

Tomorrow we'll be back at the dressage show for a more relaxing day.  Dorkzilla's owner doesn't need any more scores, so she'll be riding just for herself.  I accidentally signed up for a Training level test for tomorrow, so we'll be doing First 1 and Training 2.  Oops, but it's still good practice for me.

Tonight, the martini is purely celebratory.  My princess is all grown up.

Race day

Today was the ECTAthalon in Hamilton, Massachusetts.  This was a relay race where each person did there section of the trail in a different way:  run, bike, ride, or paddle (kayak).  This was something we'd been planning for weeks, and despite some last minute shuffling of team members, a complete team showed up for the race even with the ridiculously high temps.

And let me be clear, it was ridiculously hot today.  Absolutely stupidly hot.  You don't see highs of 95 very often in this region, and of course, that was the temperature today.  

First up was the 3.5 mile run, then the 3.8 mile biking loop, then it was me and Fiona's turn for the 3.9 mile equestrian section.  We waited with the rest of the equestrians in a field for our turn and the princess showed everyone else how this worked.  She sacked out in the shade and ate grass.  One by one, the bikers showed up, ditched their bikes, and ran to their counterparts to hand off the team wristband.

We certainly weren't the fastest team.  Fi and I were one of the last six horses waiting when my husband hustled over to hand off.  The heat really did wear on the bikers and runners more than the riders and paddlers.  We weren't looking for a fast time, we just wanted to have fun.  Fiona's section was an optimal time section, so it wasn't like we were going to be racing the clock.  With an average speed of 10 mph, I was more worried that we would get a speed penalty.

Some of the other horses were pacing, jigging, and even a bit of spinning was going on, but the princess was perfect.  She cantered to my husband for the hand off, cantered to the start line, and then walked while I check with the starter that we were okay.  Once we heard go, we were gone.

She was perfect.  We walked, trotted, cantered, and even squeezed in a gallop.  She was brave as a lion over the bridges and didn't even mind the combines that were working in the hay field.  She had to walk in the woods for both time and because of the heat, but I let her go in the fields so she could really enjoy herself.  We cantered into the finish with Fi's ears pricked and looking for the next four miles.  I handed off to our paddler so he could finish the race and headed back for the trailer.

Doesn't she look proud of herself?

I didn't have a watch on, so I was just guessing at our time.  We weren't looking at winning anything anyway, so I just went with whatever was the most fun.  Looks like fun worked, since I was just one second off from the optimum time.

The trip wasn't completely perfect.  There was about a mile between the finish and where the trailers were.  It seemed like a great way to cool Fiona down, so I hopped off to walk her back in hand instead of having the trailer driven to meet us.  This was a poor decision when wearing field boots.

I now have my feet all bandaged up.  Small price to pay for such a fabulous day.  The event was well run with water available everywhere and friendly volunteers to help.  I recommend anyone in the area sign up to do it next year.  I know I'll be there!

Is it spring yet?

I'm convinced that New England does not want to have a spring this year.  It's ridiculous.  This was Fi on Sunday night.

Yes, she's wearing a blanket on Memorial Day weekend because it was COLD.  It was 56 degrees and the winds were gusting over thirty miles per hour when I took her out for a gallop in the woods.  She appreciated the outing after being kept out of work for two days by the nasty weather.

Then this was Fi today.

It was 72 degrees, sunny, and gorgeous.  Also buggy.  Doesn't she have the cutest fly mask?

We went out for another trail ride, this time accompanied by Dorkzilla.  His owner gave me a run down from the Mary Wanless clinic she attended over the weekend.  We practised posting while the two beasts trotted side by side down the trails.  Both of them can do some gorgeous dressage work while out in the woods.  Good thing, since she's off to a dressage show on June 23 and 24th, doing First Level 1 and 2.

Ben (who won his Novice division over the weekend with his junior rider) is scheduled to go to Valinor June 15th and UNH July 14th with me.  That's all the more I have scheduled, since August is a total mystery right now.

After Fi's last showing flopped, I settled into the idea that she's not going anywhere any time soon.  This time the actual showing went very well, but it seems the interested party is more of a tire kicker and has lost interest.  The perception that horses should just be given away in this economy is still going strong and it's making things difficult.  There aren't any other showings scheduled, despite a new video, so I'm starting to plan long term for Fi again.

She also has a fun trail event this weekend that I'm looking forward to.  We're going to be part of a four person relay team where each member completes their section in a different way.  My friend is doing the running phase, my husband is doing the biking phase, I'm doing the equestrian phase, and another person is doing the kayaking.  It should be a lot of fun.

Momentum

Hear that sound?  That horrible grinding racket?  That would be the gears starting to rotate.  At long last, 2013 is getting started.  At least for me.  Everyone else seems to have been working on 2013 for awhile now, I'm just a slow starter.

The entry for Valinor is lying in front of me, just about ready to mail off.  June 15th, I'll tackle their Novice course yet again but this time with Ben instead of Fiona.  I just love Valinor for their cross-country course.  The rolling terrain really makes me feel like I'm going across the country and the jumps are so inviting.  The stadium course is on a hill and that makes it challenging, but I can work with that.

It also looks like I'll be getting in my first cross-country school this week.  Scarlett Hill opened this week and a group of adults are planning to play hooky and get an early school in.  I'm a little nervous since it's Ben's first outing of the season and our first outing together, but I'm also excited to see how we do.  We've been doing really well in the ring, hopefully it will carry over to the great outdoors.

I feel like there's smoke coming out of my ears as the rust is knocked loose.  I have to find my vest for cross-country.  I'm sure it's around here somewhere . . .

Fi's latest showing got cancelled (the lady would rather get a gelding, bah), so the princess doesn't have anyone else looking until the 20th.  I'm accepting the fact that she's going to be a very difficult sell and trying to settle into a rhythm where she's my dressage specialist and Ben is my eventing partner.  Riding both in one evening is a real challenge, especially after work and before sunset.  Dorkzilla's owner is still helping out twice a week and it's making a big difference.  I get to see my husband once in awhile!  I'm hitting the trails with the princess to keep us both sane and continuing to tune her up in the ring.  Her collected work is coming along nicely.  I think I'll sneak her off to the dressage show at UNH in late June.  Hopefully someone will be interested in an affordable First Level horse.

She's also got a trail event on June 1st as part of a relay team.  It's going to be hilarious.  It's a four person relay team with each member hitting the trails in a different way.  The first person runs four miles, the second person mountain bikes four miles, the third person rides four miles, and the last kayaks.  Fi and I are taking on the riding segment, my husband is handling the biking segment.  It's the first time in a long time that we've been able to go out and hit the trails together.  It's almost too bad that it's an optimum time competition for the horses.  Fi and I can do four miles in about fifteen minutes, but we'll have to trot along politely and try to think 'trail horse' rather than 'big, strong Thoroughbred'.

Big strong Thoroughbred is a heck of a lot more fun, but I think I'd get nervous at an event with everyone going for speed for four miles.  Fi can do it and keep her marbles, but she's more the exception than the rule.

These horse shoppers don't know what they're missing.

Stasis

It's hard to move on when you don't know what's coming.  Fiona is still up for sale and there are still people coming to see her, so it's impossible to make long term plans for now.  This leaves me in a unique form of stasis.  On the one hand, I want to spoil my mare.  I want to buy her things, cuddle with her, really be invested in her but at the same time I know she may very well not be mine for long.  It doesn't make sense to buy her equipment.  While I have her, competition budget is limited by having two horses.  I can't really move.

It's a weird, awkward, uncomfortable feeling.  I'm trying to put some distance between myself and the princess so I can better cope with the fact that she's for sale.  It's a bit more difficult when she's absolutely adorable and snuggly.  She's been fabulous to ride lately, other than having some yahoos due to spring and moving to the summer barn.  She's always a handful for a week or two after moving outside.  All that fresh air and open space just goes right to her head.  Of course, her version of being bad is to be overly forward and shake her head. She's soooo bad.  Really, she's bad.  She promises.  Dorkzilla has been out with an abscess, so his owner has been putting in rides on Fi and has really enjoyed their time together.  I feel a lot of pride when I hear how pleasant she is, how responsive and educated she's become.

At the same time, I'm riding Ben.  He's not Fiona.  He's Fiona's absolute polar opposite.  He hates dressage, he loves to jump.  He's a bit of a chicken and doesn't hack out with other horses.  He has a decent spook, particularly around piles of equipment and people running around.  He is an amazing, amazing horse to jump.  He is such a joy to ride, but such a meathead as a personality.  I feel like I need a bullhorn sometimes so I can yell "Hello, meathead!  I'm up here!  Pay attention!".  I might possibly need pompoms.  But he saves my bacon over fences and is so . . . him.  I've always considered myself a senior TB gelding addict, and he's exactly my type. He's just a big, dorky, kind gentleman of a horse that is convinced the shed is going to eat him.

Despite the weird feeling, I'm going ahead with my plans to debut with Ben at Novice in June.  I can live off of ramen for a bit to get a chance to show this handsome hunk of a TB.  He's got two May outings with his other rider, so it should be a recipe for success.  Tiny jumps, easy dressage, slow cross country.  I can just leave him in his lazy hunter mode and enjoy my day.

I have started to feel a tickle of something with him that I haven't felt in awhile.  Probably not since August last year.  I'm pretty sure it's hope.  Hope that I can really make my move to Training this year.  Hope that our lessons at Novice that are so easy and amazing will continue and that I'll be able to head into competition feeling like 'we've got this, just sit back and watch'.  A small, traitorous part of me is hoping that Fi finds her new dream home so I can throw all of my time and resources into Ben and finally have that summer.

But for now, I wait.

Bust

That pretty much sums up Fi's second showing.

It started out well.  I technically wasn't there, but I needed to drop off white polos for the princess so stuck around to ride Ben.  And yes, I did want to meet the people that were considering buying my princess.  They were quite nice.  They mentioned the lady had been riding for five or six years, so that sounded promising.  I walked Ben into the ring as the trainer was riding Fiona and she looked like a million bucks, trotting around very chill with her head down.  She tossed the rider up and they trotted around together, looking wonderful.  Fi wasn't on the bit, but she was being polite and quiet.  The rider wasn't experienced enough to really get her on the bit or adjust her trot, but they looked happy together.

I didn't know the lady was scared of cantering.  They asked for a walk to canter transition, but the lady didn't have the experience necessary to prep Fiona for it and then would get scared when Fi hopped up into the transition.  It ended with Fi trotting each time.  The problem was that they tried again, and again, and again, and the princess started to get tense.  She was doing what she thought she was supposed to do, but they kept stopping her which she takes as a correction.  That always upsets her.  Her tension made the rider nervous and the situation started to escalate.

She had a lovely canter from the trot and I told her to stay on a twenty meter circle if she was nervous.  Fi will offer a lenghtening on the long side, but will hold steady on a circle.  The woman was quite nervous, I'd say she'd crossed into being scared at this point, and abandoned the circle to return to the rail.  Fi got quick, the woman flat out panicked, and for the first time since I bought her, Fiona panicked.  Whites of her eyes, head in the air panicked.

They made it around the ring twice before the woman got herself together enough to sit up and say 'whoa' with intent.  Fi shifted back to a little canter, still looking terrified, and then spotted me.  I've never been the one standing on the ground calling for a scared horse before.  I called for her at the same time the lady got her back and she made a bee line for me, trotting up and halting right in front of me.  Poor thing was just petrified.  She'd been bad, she knew she'd been bad, but she had no idea what she was supposed to do.  She just wanted me to pet her and tell her she was okay.  I held her and let her calm down.  She was blowing like a freight train and still trembling.

The lady slid off and everyone declared that it wasn't a match, Fi was too advanced for her.  When the rider asked for a canter, she would get things like haunches in which freaked her out.  If you're not used to it, horses going sideways or swinging their haunches around can be scary and usually comes before them being very naughty.  If she was nervous about cantering, that had to be mildly terrifying.  Then there's Fi's big, round canter.  Even when she's being quiet, she covers some serious ground.  If I'd known the lady was this nervous about cantering, I may have nixed the whole thing.  The princess is a kind, forgiving, gentle horse, but she's exactly as brave as her rider.  No one has ever panicked with her and now we see what happens.

I did have to sit and think back at all of the things she's faced, trying to figure out what caused today's incident.  This is the mare that will face absolutely anything without panic, she's never bolted in all the time I've had her, what the heck?  But as I went through the list, I realized that she's never had a scared rider.  We've only put confident riders that would enjoy her on her back.  Experience was secondary to a rider that was just confident.  Even the less experienced juniors that borrow her for lessons enjoy cantering and the fact that she'll just go and go all day.  They're comfortable with her getting a bit quick and know that she'll stop if they ask.  They know that she's got some fancy buttons and just laugh when they get the wrong thing.  Fiona has not had a rider that rode scared since . . .

The lady I bought her from.  The one that was terrified of her and couldn't ride her.  The one that knocked Fiona over while trying to canter.

Ding ding ding.  That would be my lightbulb turning on.  Holy crap.

I'll talk to my trainer tonight.  We'll have to tighten up the screening process.  They need to be confident at all three gaits to try her.  Experience, skill, and confidence aren't the same things. 

I'm trying to not beat myself up too much over this.  The woman was so broken hearted, she'd really enjoyed Fiona and was all ready to set up a vetting.  She was so excited for this pretty, fancy, sweet mare she'd found and I was excited that this nice lady in a great situation was interested.  But at the same time, I'm glad it happened now.  Better now than two weeks after they bought her and poor Fi being up for sale again, except this time as a bolter.  On the one hand, I feel like I should have trained her better.  Desensitized her a bit, made her a bit less responsive, but my friend just about whacked me in the head for saying that.  As she put it, Fiona is a talented, correctly trained horse.  You don't change that, you just find her the right rider.  Someone with more experience is coming out tomorrow, so we'll see what they think. 

Tonight I switch to martinis.  Tomorrow, I think Fi and I are going out for a hack.  Poor little mare, this has been just as hard for her as it has been for me.  She needs to go out and defuse for a bit.

Waiting game

This image has nothing to do with anything, it just cracked me up. 
Doesn't matter the discipline, schooling rings suck.

Selling horses sucks almost as much as buying one.  Just in case anyone was curious.  I've got plenty of experience with shopping for a horse and everything that goes with that:  long drives, false descriptions, and the feeling that your taking your life into your hands with the snorting beast that they swear is a packer.  Yeah, right, and I'm the queen of England.  I even had the one horse that swung around on a lunge line and struck out at me.  I should have charged that lady for the lesson in ground manners her horse received.  No, I didn't seriously consider him.  I like my trainer and her working students too much for that.

Now I'm on the other side.  Calls with silly questions, biting my nails wondering if my horse will act up for the first time in her life, primping and grooming and trying to not wake up in the middle of the night wondering if I should have left her polos at the barn.  Why do dressage riders insist on white polos?  One ride and I've got to wash the things.

Luck hasn't been entirely on my side.  Her first showing was a complete bust.  The lady was looking for an all around horse to replace her draft cross that was retiring due to old age.  Fi was very well behaved for the showing (I was hiding in the viewing room so I could watch), but it wasn't a match.  She asked for a canter from a long reined walk and Fi was perplexed.  Walk to canter is a very formal move for her and she needs to be on the bit and working, not walking around with her head around her knees.  To be fair, all she did was pick her head up and set off at a quick trot, ears flicking every which way while she tried to figure out what she was supposed to be doing.  The ride lasted maybe five minutes.  Not a match.

My sales video attempt was also a disaster.  Fi was in heat and kept looking toward the door rather than keeping a steady contact.  Minor, sure, but it looked terrible on video, like she couldn't hold a contact.  Bah.  It's a pity, she was actually being very good and did nice work.  Steady shoulder in, calm simple changes, nice stretches, but as a video clip for a sale it didn't work.  I went home and had a beer.  Whiskey barrel porter that I actually helped to brew, very nice at the end of a stressful day. 

Today was another showing. It's been a bit chaotic since I'm not directly interacting with anyone that's out to look at the princess.  All conversations are going through my trainer and she's being shown by other people.  Today it was Dorkzilla's owner that showed her which worked out well, since the trio watching were all DQs.  A trainer, a barn owner, and a potential owner/rider.  From the report I got, it was a complete success.  The potential trainer rode Fi and liked how responsive and comfortable she was.  The rider was less experienced and had some trouble with the canter transition, but the trainer loved how safe they looked together and how willing Fi was.  Rumor has it Fi took good care of the rider and the rider was excited by the potential to do things like go to the beach.  They're coming back on Friday for a second look, since they had another horse to check out.

Part of me is relieved.  Someone came to look at my horse and liked her enough to come back for a second look.  This is also someone that rides at a barn where some of my friends keep their horses.  They have references that check out, Fi wouldn't be that far away, and they've probably already heard quite a bit about the princess.  I like the sound of that quite a bit.  At the same time, I'm apprehensive.  They have another horse to look at and Fi would have to be a super star yet again on Friday.  And then a vet.  And then what?  

There's an experiment you see in psychology.  A rat is put in a cage with food on one side.  In order to get to the food, the rat has to cross a plate where it will receive an electric shock.  The rat wants the food, but does not want to be shocked.  This causes quite a bit of anxiety.  I sympathize with the rat.  I want Fi to sell and go to a good home, but I don't want her to go away.  Part of me was relieved at the bad showing, part of me was stressed because of the good showing.  I'm going through more antacids doing this than I did when I was horse shopping!

It's a waiting game.  I'm not directly involved, so for me, it's mostly waiting for text messages, keeping her immaculate, and washing polos.  I'm glad my trainer is handling this, I think my hubby would smother me with a pillow if I was also screening e-mails and phone calls.  As it is, I think he's going to hide the coffee from me.  It seems I'm a bit wired and he doesn't think I need more stimulants.  I don't know what he's talking about, climbing the walls and hanging from the ceiling is completely normal!

Hush, let me have my moments of delusion. 

The first showing

It's amazing how a concept that is completely abstract can suddenly become reality.  An abstract doesn't trigger as intense of a reaction since it's not real.  It's not something you can touch or point to, it's just an idea.  Something vague and shifting.  Then it's suddenly real and all of the weight comes crashing down.

Fi has her first showing tomorrow.  A potential purchaser is coming to meet her.  Reality has suddenly crashed down.  Gods above, what have I done?

I'm planning to head to the barn early and get her completely spiffed up.  It's warm enough that I can wash that gorgeous tail of hers and deal with the mud that will probably be up to her knees.  You've gotta love mud season in New England.  I'm amazed her shoes are still on considering how many human shoes have been lost to the muck.  Including some of mine.  I've taken to leaning through the gate of her paddock and begging/pleading/bribing her to come over so I can avoid losing more shoes to the bog.

Her mane will need a little pulling to touch it up and I think I'll trim her fetlocks up.  Not as short as what I do in summer since she still needs that protection from the mud, but enough that she doesn't look like a wildebeest.  All tack needs to be sparkling, she'll need to be groomed to within an inch of her life, and she'll get a little workout in the morning to make sure that she's on her best behavior.

Then I'm going to go hide like a scared little kid with a thunderstorm rolling in.  I can't decide if I should leave the barn completely or lock myself in the viewing room where I can watch but not be involved.  Just today I was wrestling with how to describe my mare.  She's one of the bravest horses I've ever ridden with a work ethic that has her in the ring looking for work day after day.  No buck, no bolt, no bite, no kick.  She's a social pocket pony that wants to be part of the activity and always wants to please.  There is no trail too scary for her and she's faced down large, noisy crowds with barely batting an eyelash.  But at the same time, she's Fi.  She is no dead head and notices every little thing that happens around her.  She gets rattled by stadium fences being reset, she can get very intense when asked to do more complicated work, and she loves to gallop.  She will stress herself out to the point of panting and sweating when she doesn't know how to do something.  She just wants to get it right so badly.  She is one of the most complicated horses I've met from a mental perspective.

What is she?  She's not a beginner horse, clearly.  A beginner would be overwhelmed by her and her responsiveness.  But she's not a horse for a professional, as she hasn't been identified as going past Third Level based on the fact that she's already 10 years old.  She's kind and forgiving, but she can panic with uneducated hands.  What kind of a rider is she suited for?  Aside from me, of course.

For years I've used the tease 'I'd sell you, but no one would buy you' on the princess when she was being naughty.  Now I wonder if it's true.  I may lock myself in the viewing room with a friend and a bottle of brandy.  It seems the most reasonable response.

Hey, it's a completely reasonable response in my head.  My head's an odd place.

Double Trouble

Honestly, I've been too busy keeping two horses in work to do a lot of writing about it.  Sleep?  What's that?   It's kind of like a unicorn.  You hear a lot about them, but you don't think you'll see any yourself.

Fi has been getting some work from various riders to take some of the pressure off of me.  She's perfect for filling in as a school horse on flat weeks.  Just about every intermediate and up rider is comfortable on her and enjoys riding her.  She enjoys the extra work and attention, so I've been sneaking her into lessons with certain riders that I think will enjoy her.  Of course I've been riding her, too.  The princess has gotten fat!  We've cut back her grain again.  I'm counting the days to our move to the summer barn and our return to trail rides and long gallops in the town forest.  Fi is so eager to just get out and gallop, I can't wait to give her that chance.

I went through the Second Level test moves with a friend today and was rather startled to find that Fi is schooling just about all of them successfully now.  Her counter-canter is still a bit of a mess, but we're closing in on being able to run through that test.  We'll see if I can learn to sit the trot well enough to not fall off in a medium trot.  It's freaking embarrassing that the one move I can't seem to get is sitting the trot.

As for Ben, we had our first jumping lesson today.  I jumped him a bit yesterday and it was, frankly, a mess.  We had some lunging, scary fences and a lot of tension.  I wasn't too bothered since it was stuff I could recognize and work with, but if I was going to have to rebuild from the beginning, what was the point of bringing in an experienced horse?!  Today, though, I knew what I was going to have to work on.  Get him up in front of my leg, focused, and accepting a light contact.

We had such an awesome lesson.  It's been a long, long time since I could say that about a jumping lesson.  He jumped everything without batting an eyelash.  We have work to do on getting the canter consistent so we don't get flyers or chips, but I felt very safe and comfortable.  He was calm and mannerly about everything.  It was around Beginner Novice, but I suspect we can bump them up to Novice and nothing will change.  I'm tentatively starting to hope.  I even pulled his mane today as I settled into the idea that he's going to be sticking around and be my partner.  If today is what he's usually like to jump?  I might just be in love.

I still feel a bit like a traitor when I ride him and Fi is sitting there waiting, but I know Fi is happier with me getting my fix with someone else and letting her be my dressage horse extraordinaire.  I have a dressage show on May 5 and I'm debating what tests Fi should do.  Do I go conservative and do First Level 1 and 2, or go for broke and do 2 and 3?  I'll be debating this one for at least another week or two.  It's a schooling show, so I'm tempted to just put it all out there and do 2 and 3.

Time to haul my coat off to the dry cleaners and dig out the show pads!

Avoidance

I'll admit it, I've been avoiding the barn.  It's hard to ride right now since I'm still an emotional wreck.  I went a week and a half without riding.  Fortunately Fi did get some work, but she ended up getting a week off.  A week off, off of her Regumate, and a winter storm?  Sounds like a perfect time to go for a ride.  If you're crazy.

We all know I'm crazy.  I was out running errands and decided that it was past time for me to go make nice with the princess.  I wasn't even dressed properly.  I had my paddock boots, but no chaps and just my hoodie sweatshirt.  It really was a spontaneous decision and not a recipe for success.

You've got to love any TB mare that can handle a week off with no drama.  Her moment of being bad?  She shook her head for two canter departs.  That bad, bad, wild mare.

Me and Fi after our time off.  We need to clean that mirror.

But the lull is over.  Fi has a session with the dressage specialist on Monday, so she'll be working all weekend to make sure she's ready.  I'm also going to target next weekend for Fi's photo and video shoot.  I've got to quit procrastinating and get a move on finding her the perfect dressage partner.  That means she needs to be cleaned up and tuned up so we can get a decent video of her doing First Level.  My only video of her competing at First Level is of us in the pouring rain, in a grass ring with crappy footing, and I had an error of course.  Not good.

Cleaning her up is going to be a bit of a challenge.  The shedding.  Oh, the shedding.  I had an ankle deep pile of hair when I was done currying today and Fi was convinced that I stopped far too soon.  I'm glad I clipped her so aggressively in the fall, I can't imagine what she'd be like right now if she had a full coat to shed out.  I think I'd choke and die.  The reward is watching Fiona do her impression of a cat, wiggling and leaning into me while I use the metal curry.  I may have to bust out the clippers this weekend.  She looks like a damn yak and her mane is only half pulled.  It's finally warm enough that I can seriously consider spending a couple hours without gloves on.

I'd say trail ride season was here, but we just got another foot of snow.  Okay, Mother Nature, we're good now.  Drought is busted.  Knock it off!

Realization

Tonight was not a good night at the barn.

It wasn't because of the company.  It was the usual cast, good friends all.  The winter instructor's dog was there and he gave me a merry game of keep away in the tack room with the tennis ball.  I was certainly happy to say hi to all of my favorite ponies, petting noses and handing out treats.

It wasn't the lesson.  It's dressage week so Fi got to show off.  And show off she did.  She's really been improving by leaps and bounds over the last month or so and it showed today.  Focusing on getting her responsive to my legs for lateral movement has made her much more adjustable and has made travelling straight a real possibility.  Once you get her truly straight, her back lifts and the weight shifts back and it's all awesome.

It sure as hell wasn't the horse.  The winter instructor was thrilled with her.  She's now doing baby half passe (I call it baby because she's not strong enough to do the move in true collection, but she's travelling laterally in the direction of bend) at the trot and canter.  We also did an exercise where we would canter on a twenty meter circle, then collapse it down to almost ten meters before opening it up again.  I think our next new exercise addition will be shoulder in at the canter.   I also need to work on cleaning up shoulder in at the trot and the walking pirouette.

So what the heck was the problem?

It's very hard to come to the end of a great lesson, fussing over your horse and telling her how good she was and how proud you are of her, and then answer questions about the timing for selling her.  I need a video of her doing her First level test, so we need to coordinate time with a videographer and an empty ring.  It's common knowledge at the barn now that Fiona will be moving on to a dressage home, so people are asking about it. 

It's very hard to enjoy riding a horse this much and know that you'll be parting ways in the next couple months.  The doubts and second guessing have started.  Maybe I'm being hasty, maybe I should try a season as a dressage rider and see how I like it, how will I ever find a horse I enjoy as much as my princess?  How will I ever find a horse that I can go to a sanctioned dressage show with (and even get a blue ribbon), then go on a hunter pace, then go race on the beach, then go trail riding, then take her just about anywhere for a clinic?  But I'm already edgy because I can't jump and I know I'm losing my edge because of the way I struggled in my last lesson.  Isn't it better for everyone if Fiona finds someone that won't feel resentful that they can't do what they really want?

This would be easier if it was because she was naughty, or scared me, or wasn't talented enough,  or we had a personality clash.  A lot of the reasons horses are sold would be easier, but I'm stuck in the unfortunate spot of owning a horse I adore and enjoy riding that isn't interested in pursuing the discipline I want.  Let's be honest, we pay far too much money in this hobby to pursue anything other than exactly what we want. 

I'm comforting myself that Fi won't go to anything other than a perfect situation and that she will be safe with me until that situation shows up.  If no one wants her or she doesn't vet (a real possibility, since she's never been vetted), then she will just stay with me forever and we'll be dressage queens together.

Decisions

It's been a long time coming, but I made a decision today.  A difficult one, but I feel a necessary one.

Fi isn't cut out to be an eventer.  We've been struggling since September to do any kind of jumping and she wasn't jumping cross rails consistently in our last jumping lesson, even with a professional riding her.  If she won't do cross rails, I can't imagine she'll ever return to Beginner Novice, much less Novice.  She's been so happy as a dressage horse, why would I hammer on the one thing she doesn't want to do?

You should have seen her in my last flat lesson.  Lovely leg yields, at the trot AND the canter.  Shoulder in on a circle.  Her first baby steps of half passe and a walking pirouette.  It was wonderful, she was amazing to ride.  Yes, she has her moments of stress and confusion where she turns into a llama and protests, but she keeps her marbles together.  I've been hearing compliments on the way her neck has filled in and her entire topline has lifted as we've started to work on actual collection.  She's a solid First level horse, ready to go out and compete this summer.  She will school day after day, always going into the ring and ready to work.  She's made me grow as a rider, learning to control my body and be extremely aware of where my horse is.  She's just so damn talented.  As my trainer said, she's been an amazing journey.

There is no reason to make her jump.  Many a dressage rider would kill for a horse with her mind and talent.  You can unload her from the trailer, toss a saddle on, and head to a crowded warm up with no concerns.  You can head out on the trails or go on a hunter pace with no problems.  You can even get good ribbons at a sanctioned dressage show, and this is with an amateur adult that specializes in jumping in the irons.

Fi wants to be a dressage horse.  I want to be an eventer.  She's so darn happy right now with no jumping in her schedule, and I don't have the heart to ask her to jump again.  It kills me to feel her tense up and start to panic.  This isn't fun for either of us, and isn't that what it's all about?

Fiona and I will be parting ways.  I don't know when, but I'm setting it in my mind.  Come this spring, when she heads out to the dressage shows, I'll have 'for sale' fliers for the posting boards.  She would be so much happier if she never saw a jump again and I'm just not grown up enough to be happy as a dressage rider.  I need the adrenaline.  Of course, I'm not in any kind of hurry.  If Fi stays with me for another year, I'd be perfectly happy.  I adore every hair on her silly red body.  I wouldn't let her go for anything less than the perfect situation, but there it is.  She will be for sale.

I've never sold a horse before.  I don't know if I really can.

To believe or not to believe

Let me clear up the record on one thing:  I'm a skeptic.  It's my natural state.  I don't believe in anything that isn't right in front of me.  Psychics?  Nah, with the exception of my mom.  She's got a very uncanny ability to know what's up with me.  Whether it's phone calls asking why I'm stressed because she can't sleep or getting pants in the mail that are perfect for a new job (even though she bought them before I got the job), she always seems to know what's up.

So if I'm willing to make one exception, can I make two?  My mom was referred to an animal communicator that her dog friends swear by.  She asked the communicator to talk to Fiona.  As my mom put it, we've tried all of the science, time to stretch a bit.  The communicator is in Wisconsin, my mom is in Minnesota, Fiona is in New Hampshire.  My skepticism knows no bounds, but my mom really wanted to try.  All I had to do was tell Fiona that it was okay to talk to the communicator.

I also added instructions that the princess should talk about more than her favorite treats, but that's because I know her so well.

I got the reply today.  Keep in mind that the lady in question knows Fiona's name, has a picture of her, and knows that she's in New Hampshire.  She was told Fi's age (wrong age, mom said she was 7) and given a couple questions to ask.  Here is what I got, word for word including the typos, from the communicator:

I did the reading on Fiona. She is so sweet, an bsolute sweetheart. She gave me lots of information. I hope this all makes sense to you. I don't know horse terms so I'll do my best. If you want to talk or have any questions, please feel free to call me or email me. My phone number is ***-***-****.

Fiona likes to run and play. I saw her frolicking inside of a fenced in dirt area. She's very happy, and she loves Catie. She also loves apples. She loves the one-on-one time with Catie. She likes training, but she gets tired when she does too much jumping. She showed me the course, and she's very proud when she does it. I did pick up that her front legs hurt, not bad, but you could try glucosamine-chondroitin or Legende shots to help her joints. She said she doesn't want to let Catie down.

As far as her health, I felt an upset stomach, like really bad nausea. It feels like it is upper GI to me. I asked what was causing it and it is something with her diet. Is the hay okay, is it moldy? I definitely picked up on the hay that she was eating. It's not digesting right. She also said she would like more apples.

As far as jumping, Caite needs to relax. She seems to tense up just enough for Fiona to feel it and be apprehensive about jumping. Fiona also felt that she would get hurt if she jumped too high. Her front legs are uncomfortable when she jumps to much or too high. Catie needs to go slow and easy when coming up to a jump and start out by lowering the jump at first so Fiona can gain confidence. Also, is Catie keeping her head up when she jumps or is she looking down? Also, give Fiona some lead so she can see where she's going, don't tighten up on the reines.

Fiona wanted to tell you thank you for loving her so much, and thank you for all the help you have given her and for your patience. 

Huh.  That's a pretty interesting analysis from someone that's never seen either of us or seen us jump.  Even if she tracked down this blog, there aren't pictures of her turnout (which is a small, dirt paddock) and I haven't mentioned the fact that we're dealing with diarrhea right now after a hay change.  It's been about a month of trying to clean up after her upset stomach.  I haven't written about that anywhere on the net.  Even my mom doesn't know about that, so she couldn't have told the communicator.

So now what?  Do I believe in this reading or do I just shove it off as my mom being quirky and gullible?  Even with my skeptic tendencies, I can't make myself just dismiss the message.  She got too many things right.  I've been looking down lately due to my anxiety.  And I'm anxious.  I do need to keep the reins long.  She does have an upset stomach.  She does love apples.

I e-mailed my farrier, asking him to test Fi's front hooves when she's shod next and see if the heel pain is back.  We've been completely focused on her back end, did we miss something on the front end?  I'm also going to look into the hay situation and see if there's anything that can be done.  I know the hay is good, I handle it all the time, but there's something about it that's upsetting her stomach.  Maybe it's acidic?  I'm also going to get more apples, since she's been getting carrots.  It appears she doesn't approve.

None of this is information that seems extreme or like a bad idea.  It won't hurt anyone to investigate it further.  As my mom said, we've tried science.  Time to stretch out, even if it's not comfortable for me.

Brrrr

It was so cold . . .

Ahem.  It was so cold . . .

How cold was it?

It was so cold --

 

We had to hire ducks to keep the horses' ears warm.

Okay, maybe it was just Fiona and maybe it had more to do with her being the most tolerant (and adorable) horse in the barn than it had to do with the cold, but it still happened.

I probably would have posted sooner except it took me this long to regain feeling in my fingers again.  My family is from Minnesota, I'm no wimp, but damn it's been cold out.  There's nothing like showing up for a lesson and seeing that the wind chill is -6* Fahrenheit to make you long for summer.  Single digit temperatures are not my friend, especially when it goes on for multiple nights in a row.

Understandably work has been light and handled very carefully.  Coolers, quarter sheets, tacking underneath blankets, all sorts of shenanigans to keep the horses warm and comfortable.  Thank you, every deity known, for the indoor arena.  I was tempted to give the princess the time off but she got the weekend off due to me getting a stomach virus and I guess she was starting to be a handful around the barn.  My trainer's head girl nicknamed her the Red Stallion after seeing her rearing in turn out a couple times.  Sharp drop in temperature, increase in wind, lack of work, and a TB mare.  Yeah, I was hauling my butt out in the sub zero temps to make sure that her brain and body were occupied for awhile each day.  She's much happier when she's in work, even if she does look very indignant when the blankets come off.

Or the duck hat goes on.

Progress has been limited but it's there.  Long walking warm ups have us working hard on moving her off of my leg without resistance and me learning to relax and let her lift her back.  She can't lift her back if I'm bracing against her.  My desperate attempts to sit deep have actually gotten in the way and I'm now being coached on how to soften my seat without losing the ability to sit.  The new visual is that Fiona is a basketball and that I need to dribble her.

Yeah.  I'm dribbling my horse with my butt.

Dressage is just weird, guys.  I don't know if anyone else got the memo, but I'm really starting to realize just how weird it is.  I am now mumbling 'dribble dribble dribble' each time I ask Fi to collect and rebalance.  I thought eventers were crazy, but no.  Dressage riders are way, way worse.  You have been warned.