Back in the saddle

It took almost two months, but today, I got back in the saddle.

Ben was, of course, amazing and perfect.  Her carted my rusty butt around my first jumping lesson in quite awhile.  It was the first time I'd jumped since we completed our Training event back in July.  I had some goofy distances, but it really is like riding a bicycle.  It all comes back, and your tush hurts like hell afterward.  I'm probably going to be limping tomorrow.

But the important part is that I went back.  It's still hard, I still find myself referring to Fiona as 'my horse' and looking in her stall when I walk by, but it's getting better.  Time heals all wounds, and the word from UNH is still that she's amazing and awesome and the students love her.

It's been decided that I'll keep riding Ben, even if it's at a much more limited level.   I have to get that darn master's degree, but what can I say, there aren't a lot of horses in the world where you can just swing on and jump around at three foot like it's no big thing after two months off.  I adore my Meathead and I'm excited that we'll get to keep working together, even if he'll only see me once or twice a week.

Now I get to work on the project called moving on and giving Ben a fair chance.  No, he's not Fi, but the Princess is off pursuing her own career and it's time that I work on mine.

Adaptability

It's amazing to me how adaptable humans are.  I was horrified to go Training just last week, and this week?  I went about in a relatively calm and non-chalant manner.  Once the paradigm has shifted, we seem quite content to accept the new reality as though it's always been that way.

It's not to say it was perfect.  Or even overly good.  But I was out there doing my job without hysterics or a panic attack.  It's progress.

My dressage was 'pleasant', to use the judge's words, but needed more.  More energy, more bend, more self carriage.  I was far too occupied with trying to ride my first Training test in that little dressage arena to worry about little things like actually riding my horse.  The letters come up fast when the ring is little.  We got a harsh score of 42.7, but she was a bit rough with the class.  The lead score was a 35 or something like that.  We were last in a division of six, but I was pleased that I had remembered my test.

I went to swap my gear to jumping equipment and realized I'd forgotten my vest.  Of all pieces of equipment to forget, it was my vest!!!  That's what you get when you work long hours and then pack at 4:30am.   In desperation I went looking for anyone that would lend one to me, but everyone riding with my barn was off helping.  I didn't recognize any of the equipment in the trailer, so I dejectedly went to stadium thinking I wouldn't get to ride cross-country.  Lo and behold, I found the barn's teenagers playing jump crew.  I told them why I wasn't mounted and they immediately took off to get me vests.  Of course this means I was stuffed into a skinny teenager's vest, but I take it as a point of pride that I was able to get it zipped up.  Who needs to breathe while jumping?  I don't usually breathe while jumping anyway!

At this point, the horse before me is already heading into the ring.  One of the girls gave me a leg up and I took off for warm up.  I trotted into warm up and right over the cross rail.  The poor Meathead was still figuring out that we were jumping now when we moved on to the Training height vertical and oxer.  30 second warm up and then we charged into stadium, just barely on time.

I also didn't get a chance to walk my stadium course.  I read the map, but never actually went into the arena.  Oops.

So there I am, facing my first Training stadium course in wet grass with no idea on distances.  Thank goodness for all of those years riding as a jumper.  I rode very forward and we actually had a really good round.  We left all of the fences up and didn't miss any jumps.  We did have a bit of trouble with the combinations, since I didn't know how many strides they would be until I was on top of them.  The one stride worked beautifully, we took a long spot to the two stride and ended up chipping in to get the second stride in.  All that matters is that Ben and I got around and left everything up, a bit of a rare feat for that course.

From there it was straight to cross country.  I barely had time to catch my breath or stretch my legs that were cramping due to our sudden start.  Off we went on our second Training level cross country course.  It started out really well, all the way through 5 A and B.  Then the Meathead got a bit rude with me, doing his charge off and temper tantrum routine.  I think I got him wound up for that stadium round then had to deal with the after effects on cross country.  Since it was untimed, I made him halt right there in the middle of the course so we could have a discussion on manners.  We jumped along well after that, though we did have to trot again while we discussed his manners going to the skinny.  By the end of the course we were back to galloping along with a much more mannerly attitude.

Due to half of my division getting eliminated by missing fences on cross country and someone else getting a stop, Ben and I finished second.  We were the only ones in the division to end on our dressage score.  I was definitely feeling proud of our achievement, even if our cross country time would have been terrible due to my schooling.

Ben's next outing is with a junior rider that is borrowing him due to her horse's injury.  Yes, yet another junior rider wants to borrow my pony.  I seem to have a theme.  He'll be off to UNH to run Novice (or Beginner Novice, depends on whether or not they were able to change her division).  She's a tough cookie, I'm sure she'll be able to handle him cross country.  But I already told her, leave the spurs behind for that phase.  I forgot to take them off with the vest fiasco.  It led to a sharp stadium round, but an explosive cross country course.  I don't think she'll need that for Novice.

As for me?  I'm going to take August off from showing so I can focus on my school work and getting some of the pieces in place.  As the dressage judge said, we have a lot of work to do and I have some fitness work ahead of me if I want to compete at 400 mpm.

But come September, we may be ready to go Training at a sanctioned event.  Paradigm shifted.

Welcome to the New Age

Ben's always been a bit of a mixed bag for me.  On the one hand, I love riding him and I always have a big, dopy grin on my face when I'm jumping him.  At the same time, he scared the crap out of me on cross country and we've had a very rough start in that phase.  He's a cuddly puppy dog, but what a Meathead!

Today he won my long term loyalty.  With my move up to Training looming, I begged my trainer to include me on a cross country schooling outing today.  I was petrified at the idea of going out and trying to get around at Training without at least one more attempt at getting the two of us on the same page.  She agreed, and I showed up at the barn today to load up the gear and my Meathead.

Small catch.  It wasn't a schooling trip, it was a schooling show.  I was going to be going around at Training.  HURK.

I was beside myself walking the course.  I love Scarlett Hill, the courses are always gorgeous with lots of room for galloping, but they don't tend to pull punches on cross country.  These bad boys were to height and there were a lot of firsts for me.  A ditch combination (jump the ditch at an angle, three strides, ramp), a corner, a trakhaner, a skinny, a maxed out table and a beefy parallel oxer, a water combination (drop into water, three/four strides, jump out over a bank), and all at 400 mpm.  HURK.

I gibbered.  I fidgeted.  I fretted.  I pleaded with my trainer to let me move back down or to skip some of the fences (like the holy hell FML trakhaner).  I sang ditties through out my entire warm up just so I would keep breathing.  I was belting out Henry the Eighth while I circled the start box.  My trainer just shook her head and told me to just get out there and have fun.  I was on Ben, after all!  HURK.

Fun?  a;ldskf;akjdf  I was ready to have a heart attack and fall out of the saddle, especially when we had to wait for the rider in front of me to get tossed back on her horse after they had a parting of the ways.

I came out of the start box and attacked the course like I'd been instructed to.  I left my spurs behind so I could kick without reservation.  Holy crap, we found our groove.  I let him do his job, he let me pick the fences, and we marched around.  I even managed to get most of the way around without the fear muscle fatigue catching up to me.  It got me right around fence 15, the drop coming out of the woods.  I landed and felt rattled, so hauled Ben back.  He didn't like that.  Up next was the water combination and I was riding backwards to it.  I looked down, so Ben stopped to do a gator check.  I gave him a spank and he dropped in, jumped out, then threw a temper tantrum.

"First you look down, then you spank me?!  Nuh uh, little girl, you have lost your driving privileges!"

Thank goodness we only had one fence left, because the Meathead took off with me like a bat out of hell.  I got him over the last one, pulled him up after a serious fight, and gave him a big pat.  He accepted my apology and we moseyed back to the trailer like nothing happened.

On the way home, I treated myself to a butterscotch sundae.  I think I earned it.

So I guess this makes us ready for our great Training level debut next week, since I've now schooled all of the Training level questions.  And lived to tell the tale!  The trainer is all set on us making this final and not sneaking back down to Novice again this season.  And you know?  I think I'm okay with that.

Relationships

So, Ben and I went to this show over the weekend.  Some little place called Valinor where we did the Novice division.  The nice part about an old pro is how easy he is to handle on the trailer and at the show grounds.  He snoozed and munched hay while we waited for our turn to play.  The Horsepesterer was there, so here's video of our dressage!



He was still white!  All of that armor worked!  The most amazing part?  We got a 30.0.  Yes, you saw that right, a 30.0.  Lowest dressage score I've ever gotten and the lowest he's ever gotten.  Just think what kind of score we would have had if his friends hadn't been calling for him through our entire test!  I felt like I was holding it all together by the skin of my teeth, but hey, so long as the judge didn't notice it's all good.  That put us in 7th place out of 16 horses.  It was a huge division.

Our stadium jumping was a bit overly exciting.  My sleepy Meathead disappeared as soon as we walked into stadium and I suddenly had a heck of a lot of horse on my hands.  Not too alarming when you've ridden the Princess in competition, but it took me a couple fences to adjust to the fact that he was going to be charging about.  That cost us a rail at fence two, but we were otherwise good and the trainer seemed pleased.  We walked over to cross country.

I'll admit at this point that I was very nervous.  I was just this side of scared.  I'd only taken Ben out cross country the one time, and it had been terrifying.  I had the muscle weakness you get with high anxiety and I was seriously worried about how I was going to do this six minute Novice course.  That's a long time to be galloping about when you feel weak enough to slide off at the walk!  The starter said go and we took off.  I did as the trainer said and let him really go up the first hill to get us both in a groove.  The first two jumps went well, but I had a heck of a lot of horse on my hands.

We came down the steep hill, then we were supposed to turn right into the woods for fence three.  Ben saw the trail going up the hill and started to take off again.  I wrestled with him to try to make the turn and we ended up in the trees.  The jump judge was laughing as we got ourselves untangled and turned around.  The Meathead was so surprised to see a jump sitting there in the woods, but he went over it and we were off again.  Fences four and five rode beautifully and I started to feel like I'd found the right ride.  It was a bigger gallop than I was used to jumping out of and Ben doesn't have the natural balance of Fiona.  Galloping him is a bit unnerving because I don't have the same confidence that he'll be able to keep his feet underneath him.  I'll admit, I trotted a couple of the downhills because I just didn't feel comfortable.  I was also feeling weak still and having trouble staying with him.

Six was good.  A bit long since he was looking at it and I gave him a smack, but good.  I ended up trotting seven because I couldn't get the canter I wanted for a tight turn to a ditch.  After eight we had another overly exciting gallop up a hill and I couldn't get him back for a tight turn so we ended up going long at the water.  Seeing a pattern?  I felt weak and didn't totally trust his balance, so we kept slowing down and going the long way.  At twelve we got our groove back and it carried us around to fifteen nicely, all galloped out of stride and very nice.  These were also some of the bigger fences on the course, including a maxed out table.  It gave him something to at least notice.  Then I tried to turn right, but Ben was convinced we had to go left.  You almost always go that way at Valinor and clearly he remembered his past courses.  We had a wrestling match before I could get him heading to the last jump and the finish.

Our finish was far from fast or dramatic.  We went down a steep, slippery hill and suddenly there was the finish.  A big, temporary shed, a bunch of kids standing around waiting for us, a hastily cleared out area with odd colored footing, and the finish flags.  Ben went over the last jump, but refused to canter on the other side.  He trotted up snorting and wide eyed, much to the amusement of the judge that could see me kicking like a pony clubber.  At least I didn't get a willful delay.

So when the dust cleared, we got 4 time penalties on cross country.  We ended on a 38, which was actually a really good score, but it was a big division.  We ended up in 9th.

Overall, I was pleased with the day.  We got out there, did our jobs, and had respectable rounds.  No stops, no elimination, no falls, no dangerous moments.  It did leave me with a lot to think about, though.

The big thing was my nerves going out for cross country.  When your nerves are bad enough that you feel physically weak and can't ride the way you need to, there's a problem.  I have to say, that's never happened before.  I usually can be very physically aggressive cross country and have no problem doing that in competition, but my nerves completely got to me.  I was lucky Ben is inherently honest and didn't take advantage of me. I never felt like I was in danger, we could always stop and he never tried to buck, but I just didn't feel secure enough to make time on a challenging course.  I was worried I would get rattled out of the saddle.

It took time for me to trust Fi and I have to remind myself that this is an all new relationship.  Ben hasn't given me any reason to not trust him.  I just need to get out there and do my job, since he's going to do his.  I also need to quit comparing him to Fi.  No, he doesn't have her gallop.  Very few horses have her gallop and balance.  He can't sit down and just ski down a steep hill at the canter like it's nothing, but that's no reason for me to trot as much as I did.

July 10 is our next outing.  The current plan is to go Training, but we'll see how my next cross country school goes.  If I can't get my nerves under control, I'll step down for safety reasons.  I can't go to that half coffin question or the big drop they have if I'm not secure in my ability to hang on.  But as I told my trainer, this is something I can work with.  He packed my ammy butt around regardless of my nerves and that's worth it's weight in gold.

His owner suggested we could extend his lease . . .

And so it begins

Where is my show shirt?  Or my braiding supplies?  Or my XC vest?  Has anyone seen my dressage coat?  Good belt?  HAIR NETS?  I know I had them when the 2012 season ended, and yet, I can't find anything.  And the things I can find all need to be cleaned.  My stock tie is hanging up in the shower drying, my saddle pad is in the dryer, and I can only hope my horse is staying some shade of white.

Here's what he looked like today after a long day of work:

Hubba hubba.  He is one handsome Meathead.  The best part about grey horses is how darn nice they look when they're all cleaned up.  His owner swears by Dawn as a shampoo so I gave it a try.  He certainly does look shiny and it is way cheaper than any of the other things I've tried.

And how do we keep grey horses grey?  Armor, and a lot of it.

I'm hopeful that I won't have more than an hour's worth of stain removal tomorrow with this much of him covered up.

It's pretty darn late in the season to say this, but the bus is leaving the station.  My dressage coat has been located and packed, new hair nets have been purchased, lots of water and snacks are packed, and I even purchased some new bamboo boot socks (amazing stuff, highly recommended!).  Don't know my dressage test, but that's what the drive down is for.  T minus four hours and twenty three minutes.  Fortunately the sleep aids are hitting now so I might just be able to get a couple hours of sleep.

2013 Eventing Season is a go!

Promotion

The down side to things going well is that expectations are increased.  I had a really solid jumping lesson today despite the pouring rain.  There were some simple gymnastics, a goofy bending line, things of that sort and they were set above Novice.  No idea how tall they really were, since my trainer said 'a bit above Novice' but there's only four inches between Novice and Training.  And the holes on a jump standard are three inches apart.  How much variation can there be?  But I'm getting off topic.  The point is that Ben and I schooled around quite nicely at very close to Training height.  No rails, no scary jumps, just the odd spot that was a bit long or short, but that's to be expected.

So after heading back to the barn to dry off (thanks, Tropical Storm Andrea), I sort of sidled up to my trainer and asked her if they had split divisions at the upcoming Scarlett Apple Three-Phase.  I can definitely do the Training level dressage and if I can school stadium at that height so comfortably . . .

Her response?  Just move up to Training.

Hurk.

Of course as soon as she said that, all of my lesson mates started to chime in that it would be fun and I'd do fine.  Dorkzilla's owner is doing Training at that event and offered to share a trailer with me so we could leave when we were done rather than waiting for the little divisions.  Ben is a total packer at the Training level, other than the occasional brake failure.  Cross country isn't timed so I don't need to worry about stepping up to a Training level gallop.  It's the farm where we do most of our cross country schooling, and we're going schooling again next week.  I could jump everything that's Training sized in schooling so that I would know for sure that we could do it  . . .

Holy crap, I'm moving up to Training.

Shades of grey

Why, why, WHY did I ever lease a grey horse?  I always say that I don't want one, the best feature on Fi is the fact that she's a liver chestnut and doesn't show dirt.  Now I have the Meathead, and I get to see things like this on a daily basis:

Really, Ben?  REALLY?!

I'm going to buy stock in Quick Silver, bluing, Dawn, and anything else I can think of to get him cleaned up.  That's 16.3 hands of TB gelding that I have to keep at some shade of close to white.

I'm insane.  Why did I ever lease a grey horse?!

Is it spring yet?

I'm convinced that New England does not want to have a spring this year.  It's ridiculous.  This was Fi on Sunday night.

Yes, she's wearing a blanket on Memorial Day weekend because it was COLD.  It was 56 degrees and the winds were gusting over thirty miles per hour when I took her out for a gallop in the woods.  She appreciated the outing after being kept out of work for two days by the nasty weather.

Then this was Fi today.

It was 72 degrees, sunny, and gorgeous.  Also buggy.  Doesn't she have the cutest fly mask?

We went out for another trail ride, this time accompanied by Dorkzilla.  His owner gave me a run down from the Mary Wanless clinic she attended over the weekend.  We practised posting while the two beasts trotted side by side down the trails.  Both of them can do some gorgeous dressage work while out in the woods.  Good thing, since she's off to a dressage show on June 23 and 24th, doing First Level 1 and 2.

Ben (who won his Novice division over the weekend with his junior rider) is scheduled to go to Valinor June 15th and UNH July 14th with me.  That's all the more I have scheduled, since August is a total mystery right now.

After Fi's last showing flopped, I settled into the idea that she's not going anywhere any time soon.  This time the actual showing went very well, but it seems the interested party is more of a tire kicker and has lost interest.  The perception that horses should just be given away in this economy is still going strong and it's making things difficult.  There aren't any other showings scheduled, despite a new video, so I'm starting to plan long term for Fi again.

She also has a fun trail event this weekend that I'm looking forward to.  We're going to be part of a four person relay team where each member completes their section in a different way.  My friend is doing the running phase, my husband is doing the biking phase, I'm doing the equestrian phase, and another person is doing the kayaking.  It should be a lot of fun.

Close your eyes . . .

. . . and leap.

It's hard getting to know a new partner, particularly when they're so different from your previous partner.  It's taking some time, but that's to be expected when my confidence over fences was really in the gutter.

Ben, to be fair, has given me little reason to worry.  Other than our 'exciting' XC ride, he's been a perfect gentleman.  I point at the jumps, I kick, we go.  End of story.  He's a whole body work out to do dressage with, grinding his teeth and trying to go downhill at all times, but perfectly rideable.  His true redeeming feature is his ho-hum attitude to stadium jumping.

I hopped on today after working the princess (who was awesome, as always).  I used my jump saddle and planned to jump some little stuff to keep us both in practice.  There were some tiny cross rails and verticals set up, all less than two feet, and it was really pretty funny to watch.  Poor Ben was kind of fumbling and landing on his face trying to get in close to such tiny fences.  I hopped off and reset the fences to about 2'6", something low and comfortable while we worked on the ride between fences.

Sitting in isolated glory in the middle of the ring was a training level corner question.  It couldn't be lowered since it rested on a barrel for one side, so it was still set up from when my trainer and some other Prelim level riders were out schooling.  I eyeballed it, but told myself no, I shouldn't do that.  I was supposed to be having a casual ride.

Ben is such a delight to jump, you can pretty much guess what happened next.  I jumped around, really happy to get some clean flying changes and taking that as confirmation that I had him nice and forward.  I turned to the panel, had a great jump in, and the corner was just right there.  A bending three stride put us at a great distance.  Sometimes you've got to just get that first big one out of the way.  I know my eyes closed one stride out.  As soon as I knew Ben was locked on and we were set, I just let him drive and closed my eyes so I wouldn't second guess it.

That saintly meathead just picked his toes up and jumped over like it was no big thing.  There was a little head toss on the other side, but it was more of a 'finally, a real jump!' then any kind of acting up.  I called it done with that.  I was just so darn happy, I'm still smiling.

I'm hoping to get him out for another XC schooling in the next week.  I just need to keep going out until we're comfortable and safe together.  That little glimmer of hope is still very much alive.

Fear

Let's face it, riding can be scary.  You're sitting on a thousand pound animal that has a mind of it's own and if it chooses to leave, you really can't stop it.  If it chooses to unload you, chances are it's going to happen.  If it chooses to stop suddenly, there's not really a lot holding you down.  It can gallop at over thirty miles per hour and if that happens without your permission, all you can do is hang on and hope it changes it's mind.

Yup.  Scary.

Then, as if that's not enough, I took a big TB that's used to going rather briskly, put him out in the open for the first time since October, and pointed him at solid objects to jump.  Oh, and I haven't actually completed a XC course since July last year.  Am I brave or just really, really stupid?  I'm still not sure.

Ben and I took the next step in our relationship yesterday:  XC schooling.

At least he's really cute

We carted the troops off for a day of galloping and jumping.  There were five adult students that played hooky from their various jobs to go play.  We loaded up our five experienced horses and headed out.  Three of the horses had been out already, but two (Dorkzilla and the Meathead) were going out for their first time of the year.  I decided to bit up, putting on Ben's Wonderbit to get some leverage in case I needed it.

Trotting around to warm up wasn't bad.  Cantering wasn't bad, until I came around the end of the field and pointed him back toward home, the trailers, and all of the other horses.  He started to accelerate, I told him no galloping in warm up, and he threw a temper tantrum.  A propping, snorting temper tantrum.  I kicked through it to the best of my ability, but he did it each time I pointed toward home.  The more nervous I got, the bigger the temper tantrums got.  To be fair, he never twisted or tried to unload me, but he was very clear that he disliked me telling him to stop.  He completely forgot how to do anything but halt or canter in a little ball.  I actually had the trainer move the rein on the bit so that it acted like a snaffle so I could take a feel without him completely overreacting.  It didn't help much and he managed to shake me loose enough that I really thought I was going to be eating dirt. 

It was the first time in years that I was genuinely scared while riding.  I got so damn spoiled riding Fi.  I was fearless on my mare and that made this even more terrifying.  When he dropped his head and propped, I had no idea if he was about to send me flying.  When he jumped and took off, I had no idea if he was going to bronc or if I could regain control.  As I told my trainer, 'this sucks!'.  My trainer had the right idea and just kept sending me out over and over again, despite my protests, to do a long loop around the field over low fences, forcing us to figure each other out and wearing us both down.  He needed to be less excited, I needed to be less petrified, and exhaustion would take care of both.  It wasn't a recipe for a soothing, beautiful ride.  He was going to be naughty on his first outing, I was going to be nervous on a new horse, this was all expected.  At least that's what the logical part of me was saying.

It's really hard to be logical when the hind brain is scrabbling at the inside of your skull and screaming, "I'm out of control and he's really big and I'm going to get hurt and I'm scared and I WANT OFF!!!".  The front part of my brain was logically going through the variables and commanding my legs to get out in front of me, ordering my upper body back, and forcing my hands to go down and release so he could gallop.  And in the middle of my brain?  Some safety feature kicked in and I started belting out "Henry the Eighth" at the tops of my lungs.  They taught me to sing when jumping as a kid when I was nervous and it still works.  Of course I used to use Mary Had a Little Lamb, but Henry the Eighth works better when galloping down to a table or drop into water.

My friends were highly amused and told me to not quit my day job.

But the important part was that it worked.  I came down a notch from my frantic grabbing, Ben's ears flicked back since I was actually opening my mouth and communicating again, I starting breathing (which really helps), and singing is good for releasing feel good hormones.  I'm singing, things can't be that bad.  I made it down the bank, dropped into the water, jumped the log out, took the big ditch, jumped the little house, looped around to the coop, and finished up over the big table.  I even managed to jump up the one stride steps.  Not bad for my first school in nearly a year and my first school with my new partner.

My trainer said that she completely understood being nervous in the situation and that she kind of wished we'd gone to a smaller schooling facility for that first outing, but I said it was better this way.  Get out there, get it done, and prove to myself that I could do it.  Fun?  No, not in the slightest, but sometimes I need to quit being a chicken shit and just get it done.  I can do it, Ben can do it, we just needed to knock some rust off.  We were both well within our comfort zones for the questions asked, it was all about us figuring out each other.  If this was Ben at his worst, we were going to be just fine.  By the end of the ride I'd found the brakes and could hit them without the temper tantrum and felt comfortable galloping down to a fence.

When I got off, I almost fell down.   My hands and knees were shaking so hard that I could barely walk him to the trailers.  I finally noticed how much adrenaline I had in my system when I couldn't speak a coherent sentence.  My legs ached from holding on so tightly.  Today I'm an aching wreck from shoulders to ankles.  Not only am I out of practice, I had to ride my brains out to get around.  My body is not pleased with me.

But I'm pleased with me.  There's a sign in the barn that says "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway".  I was definitely courageous.  Here's hoping I get it under control before my first show.  The trainer will be very embarrassed if I'm still belting out melodies while jumping.

Momentum

Hear that sound?  That horrible grinding racket?  That would be the gears starting to rotate.  At long last, 2013 is getting started.  At least for me.  Everyone else seems to have been working on 2013 for awhile now, I'm just a slow starter.

The entry for Valinor is lying in front of me, just about ready to mail off.  June 15th, I'll tackle their Novice course yet again but this time with Ben instead of Fiona.  I just love Valinor for their cross-country course.  The rolling terrain really makes me feel like I'm going across the country and the jumps are so inviting.  The stadium course is on a hill and that makes it challenging, but I can work with that.

It also looks like I'll be getting in my first cross-country school this week.  Scarlett Hill opened this week and a group of adults are planning to play hooky and get an early school in.  I'm a little nervous since it's Ben's first outing of the season and our first outing together, but I'm also excited to see how we do.  We've been doing really well in the ring, hopefully it will carry over to the great outdoors.

I feel like there's smoke coming out of my ears as the rust is knocked loose.  I have to find my vest for cross-country.  I'm sure it's around here somewhere . . .

Fi's latest showing got cancelled (the lady would rather get a gelding, bah), so the princess doesn't have anyone else looking until the 20th.  I'm accepting the fact that she's going to be a very difficult sell and trying to settle into a rhythm where she's my dressage specialist and Ben is my eventing partner.  Riding both in one evening is a real challenge, especially after work and before sunset.  Dorkzilla's owner is still helping out twice a week and it's making a big difference.  I get to see my husband once in awhile!  I'm hitting the trails with the princess to keep us both sane and continuing to tune her up in the ring.  Her collected work is coming along nicely.  I think I'll sneak her off to the dressage show at UNH in late June.  Hopefully someone will be interested in an affordable First Level horse.

She's also got a trail event on June 1st as part of a relay team.  It's going to be hilarious.  It's a four person relay team with each member hitting the trails in a different way.  The first person runs four miles, the second person mountain bikes four miles, the third person rides four miles, and the last kayaks.  Fi and I are taking on the riding segment, my husband is handling the biking segment.  It's the first time in a long time that we've been able to go out and hit the trails together.  It's almost too bad that it's an optimum time competition for the horses.  Fi and I can do four miles in about fifteen minutes, but we'll have to trot along politely and try to think 'trail horse' rather than 'big, strong Thoroughbred'.

Big strong Thoroughbred is a heck of a lot more fun, but I think I'd get nervous at an event with everyone going for speed for four miles.  Fi can do it and keep her marbles, but she's more the exception than the rule.

These horse shoppers don't know what they're missing.

Stasis

It's hard to move on when you don't know what's coming.  Fiona is still up for sale and there are still people coming to see her, so it's impossible to make long term plans for now.  This leaves me in a unique form of stasis.  On the one hand, I want to spoil my mare.  I want to buy her things, cuddle with her, really be invested in her but at the same time I know she may very well not be mine for long.  It doesn't make sense to buy her equipment.  While I have her, competition budget is limited by having two horses.  I can't really move.

It's a weird, awkward, uncomfortable feeling.  I'm trying to put some distance between myself and the princess so I can better cope with the fact that she's for sale.  It's a bit more difficult when she's absolutely adorable and snuggly.  She's been fabulous to ride lately, other than having some yahoos due to spring and moving to the summer barn.  She's always a handful for a week or two after moving outside.  All that fresh air and open space just goes right to her head.  Of course, her version of being bad is to be overly forward and shake her head. She's soooo bad.  Really, she's bad.  She promises.  Dorkzilla has been out with an abscess, so his owner has been putting in rides on Fi and has really enjoyed their time together.  I feel a lot of pride when I hear how pleasant she is, how responsive and educated she's become.

At the same time, I'm riding Ben.  He's not Fiona.  He's Fiona's absolute polar opposite.  He hates dressage, he loves to jump.  He's a bit of a chicken and doesn't hack out with other horses.  He has a decent spook, particularly around piles of equipment and people running around.  He is an amazing, amazing horse to jump.  He is such a joy to ride, but such a meathead as a personality.  I feel like I need a bullhorn sometimes so I can yell "Hello, meathead!  I'm up here!  Pay attention!".  I might possibly need pompoms.  But he saves my bacon over fences and is so . . . him.  I've always considered myself a senior TB gelding addict, and he's exactly my type. He's just a big, dorky, kind gentleman of a horse that is convinced the shed is going to eat him.

Despite the weird feeling, I'm going ahead with my plans to debut with Ben at Novice in June.  I can live off of ramen for a bit to get a chance to show this handsome hunk of a TB.  He's got two May outings with his other rider, so it should be a recipe for success.  Tiny jumps, easy dressage, slow cross country.  I can just leave him in his lazy hunter mode and enjoy my day.

I have started to feel a tickle of something with him that I haven't felt in awhile.  Probably not since August last year.  I'm pretty sure it's hope.  Hope that I can really make my move to Training this year.  Hope that our lessons at Novice that are so easy and amazing will continue and that I'll be able to head into competition feeling like 'we've got this, just sit back and watch'.  A small, traitorous part of me is hoping that Fi finds her new dream home so I can throw all of my time and resources into Ben and finally have that summer.

But for now, I wait.

Deja vu

Allen was the first horse I ever owned.  I did a write up about him in a previous entry.  The short version was that he was a big, black, loud TB gelding that was nicknamed the Hellbeast.  I adored that horse and lamented that I came into his story so late.  Of course, I probably couldn't have handled him when he was in his prime.

Me and Allen, a long time ago

Today I was riding Ben and doing some jumping.  We're still around Beginner Novice height, but that's mostly because I'm enjoying my returning confidence and want to take it slow.  It just so damn nice to go out and jump around with no fuss, no drama.  I point, I kick, he jumps.  At this low level, that's all there is.  I know when I move up to something bigger it will take more work to lift him up off of his forehand, but for now, I feel like I'm riding a hunter again.  I was ready to cry today after jumping around.  It's just that much of a relief to have it all be so easy again.  I was happy and relaxed and smiling the whole time.  We did have a bit of an argument about one line.  It went something like this:

***

Hey, we're going to jump the cross rail.
Something in the door is trying to kill me.
Focus, we're going to jump the cross rail.
Okay, okay, we're jumping the cross rail.

- jump the cross rail -

And now we take the bending line to the one stride!
No, we bend to the green and white vertical.
No no no, I can see the one stride.
It's the vertical!
One stride!
Vertical!
One stride!
So help me, horse, I'm the one with opposable thumbs and I know the actual course!
Fine, you stubborn human!

- jump the vertical -
- walk -

. . . want to try that again?
Sure, sounds like fun.

***

Smart ass old men, thinking they know the course better than I do.  But you certainly can't complain when the only downside to your ride is your horse locking on to the wrong fence.  The entire conversation between the cross rail and vertical took about six strides, so not a major issue.  He can be such a meathead, but he's cute so it's okay.

So what does this have to do with my horse Allen?  After I made a stupid mistake, I heard myself say 'sorry, Allen'.  Wait, what?  Ben jumps nothing like Allen, what was that about?

Aside from the fact that Ben is almost Allen's twin in terms of build, Ben is in that same group of horses:  wise old men that will take care of a rider when necessary.  He's only fourteen, but he's definitely got the same feel.  He's been there, done that, and is now looking out for the less experienced rider.  He's not perfect, he's certainly willing to argue with me about something.  It's the same feature that will keep me safe on cross country in the future.  Allen would sigh and take charge when I did something stupid, Ben does the same.  Galloping down to a fence and you suddenly have that sinking realization that you've ridden your horse down to no spot?  Put your hands on the neck, put your leg on, and thank your lucky stars that the old man you're riding knows his job better than you do.  He may not make it comfortable for you, but you will land on the other side safely.

The conversation I had while jumping was one that I could have easily had with the Hellbeast.  With Ben nuzzling at my neck, I couldn't help but think of Allen, doing the same thing a long time ago.  It gave me a sense of deja vu.  I think I'll go back and watch videos of my beloved jumper tonight and think about what we did together.

Double Trouble

Honestly, I've been too busy keeping two horses in work to do a lot of writing about it.  Sleep?  What's that?   It's kind of like a unicorn.  You hear a lot about them, but you don't think you'll see any yourself.

Fi has been getting some work from various riders to take some of the pressure off of me.  She's perfect for filling in as a school horse on flat weeks.  Just about every intermediate and up rider is comfortable on her and enjoys riding her.  She enjoys the extra work and attention, so I've been sneaking her into lessons with certain riders that I think will enjoy her.  Of course I've been riding her, too.  The princess has gotten fat!  We've cut back her grain again.  I'm counting the days to our move to the summer barn and our return to trail rides and long gallops in the town forest.  Fi is so eager to just get out and gallop, I can't wait to give her that chance.

I went through the Second Level test moves with a friend today and was rather startled to find that Fi is schooling just about all of them successfully now.  Her counter-canter is still a bit of a mess, but we're closing in on being able to run through that test.  We'll see if I can learn to sit the trot well enough to not fall off in a medium trot.  It's freaking embarrassing that the one move I can't seem to get is sitting the trot.

As for Ben, we had our first jumping lesson today.  I jumped him a bit yesterday and it was, frankly, a mess.  We had some lunging, scary fences and a lot of tension.  I wasn't too bothered since it was stuff I could recognize and work with, but if I was going to have to rebuild from the beginning, what was the point of bringing in an experienced horse?!  Today, though, I knew what I was going to have to work on.  Get him up in front of my leg, focused, and accepting a light contact.

We had such an awesome lesson.  It's been a long, long time since I could say that about a jumping lesson.  He jumped everything without batting an eyelash.  We have work to do on getting the canter consistent so we don't get flyers or chips, but I felt very safe and comfortable.  He was calm and mannerly about everything.  It was around Beginner Novice, but I suspect we can bump them up to Novice and nothing will change.  I'm tentatively starting to hope.  I even pulled his mane today as I settled into the idea that he's going to be sticking around and be my partner.  If today is what he's usually like to jump?  I might just be in love.

I still feel a bit like a traitor when I ride him and Fi is sitting there waiting, but I know Fi is happier with me getting my fix with someone else and letting her be my dressage horse extraordinaire.  I have a dressage show on May 5 and I'm debating what tests Fi should do.  Do I go conservative and do First Level 1 and 2, or go for broke and do 2 and 3?  I'll be debating this one for at least another week or two.  It's a schooling show, so I'm tempted to just put it all out there and do 2 and 3.

Time to haul my coat off to the dry cleaners and dig out the show pads!

Meet Ben

On Saturday, while I was absolutely freezing and couldn't feel my fingers, a trailer showed up with a big, grey gelding in it.  Just a week after the idea appeared, the Prelim level horse arrived.  I was in knots.  It's a big risk to take on a lease while owning another horse.  Sure, she's for sale, but we know how these things can go.  She could be for sale for years.  I signed up for a six month commitment to a second horse and my bank account is already screaming protests.

But no matter, I hustled out to get my first look at my new partner.  Tall, grey (hello Quicksilver), but he has a sweet face that you couldn't really see in his competition photos.  It was late enough that he was tucked into a stall and introductions to his new turn out group were delayed until the next morning.  I couldn't feel my fingers so I didn't even get a picture of him.  We got his food sorted out, went over last minute instructions, and left him to his own devices.  He paced a bit, but settled into eating quickly.  I had him in the stall next to the princess and she was making eyes at him.  She's such a flirt.

On Sunday I was at the barn at 7:30am to help introduce him to his new group.  I spent the next hour freezing, getting a sunburn, and watching as Ben decided that the bossy horses were annoying.  He walked off when the two bossy boys in the group tried to show how dominant they were, taking the school horse Red with him.  The two of them have already buddied up and spent most of the day eating or playing together.  I broke up the fun when I went to get Ben for his first real quality time with me.

To be fair, Ben's been out of work for awhile.  He's a TB that was running Prelim into the fall of 2012, so he's still pretty fit.  But having said that, he was such a JERK on the cross-ties.  I couldn't leave him alone long enough to sweep up the hair, I had to put him in his stall before he got hurt trying to turn around on the cross-ties.  He had no issue with running into me or trying to drag me around while being led.  I sent his owner an agitated text, checking to see if he knew about cross-ties and if he was always this herd-bound.  She said that he was antsy when out of work and that I should put him to work and tell him to knock it off.

I snapped a chain shank on and took him into the indoor to have a talk about expectations for ground manners.  As soon as he realized that I was not to be ignored and that he had to work, he suddenly turned into a perfectly polite horse to handle.  We spent 20 minutes working in hand, then 20 minutes on the lunge line to let him get those bucks out.  He turned into a complete puppy dog, standing on the cross ties politely while I finished grooming and checked saddle fit (my jumping saddle fits!).  I was relieved, since his behavior was so naughty to start that I was ready to send him back.

So long as I had his blankets off, I snapped a picture.

He looks like he's ready to take a nap.  And holy crap, look at those withers!  I'm lucky I've got a saddle that was picked out for a horse that looked just like him.  A cutback pommel is a life saver with these shark fin Thoroughbreds.  And right after this picture, he went and wallowed in the mud with his friends.  Of course.

And before anyone thinks I've forgotten her, the princess was also worked.  She's being a handful with spring and her first spring heat cycle.  Oh, the joys of mares.  You know spring is here when she suddenly decides that her flanks are not to be curried.  I didn't really give her a choice, though.  She's shedding at a ridiculous rate.  I thought she was just about done but noooooo.  Ankle deep pile of hair yet again today.  Where is it all coming from?  A TB mare has no business with that much hair.

Consistent work is keeping her under wraps and she's doing well.  We had a little incident where she threw a temper tantrum when she thought I was being rough and unfair.  I didn't necessarily agree, but as she was considering really acting up, I decided to try a different track and let her trot around with her head around her knees for about fifteen minutes before asking her to do much of anything.  I boggled her brain a bit when I asked her to do shoulder in, then a ten meter circle, then haunches in.  She did try, but decided I was out of my gourd.  We also tried her first shoulder in at the canter but she couldn't maintain the canter.  Not quite strong enough to do that move yet, so we'll have to keep working on her strength and endurance so that she can hold collection and really lift herself.  She did give me some lovely, balanced canters and one of her best transitions ever after the really intensive lateral work, so it's making a difference.  Her canter will always lag behind her trot, but it's improving.

Keeping both of these horses in work would be easier if Mother Nature would cooperate.  Another snow storm?  Really?  Where's the petition for this nonsense to stop?!

Take the leap

How do you know you trust your trainer?

Agree to a lease on a horse you've never met based entirely on her suggestion.

It always seems to go this way.  Lots of planning and long, drawn out decisions are clearly not my style.  No warning, just suddenly, a horse!

I got an e-mail today asking if I would be interested in leasing a Prelim level horse for six months, possibly more.  Considering my shaky confidence and desire to jump again I was quick to reply that yes, I was interested.  A couple e-mails later and we're now organizing when this new horse will be shipped to the winter barn for introductions.

What do I know about this horse?  His name is Bentley, he competes at Prelim, he's a grey TB gelding that is about 16.1h tall and 14 years old.  I did find some video of him on youtube.



 

I can work with this. Especially as I'm looking to go Novice and maybe move up to Training. He won't even notice that.  I'm still in school, so I won't be focused on competition. Fiona's junior rider from last season is interested in sharing him for the summer, so that will keep the pressure off of me for exercise and schooling.

Of course that means that I need to find a new home for Fiona.  A little goading is probably what I needed, as I've been procrastinating and avoiding the situation.  Fi got her mane pulled, her tail clipped, and her ridiculously hairy self trimmed so that she looks civilized again today.  She does love the primping and was strutting around like the ring was her playground.  The strutting came to an abrupt halt when someone started resetting fences.  As several people noticed, her expression was very much 'no no no you promised!'.  It reinforces the idea that she'll be happier if she never has to worry about jumping again.

The weather continues to be glorious.  I think I'll dare the outdoors tomorrow.  Today the Princess was feeling rather frisky so I decided to be a wimp.  I'm nervous when there are big snow banks that keep me from getting out of the way of rude cars.  I'll try again tomorrow.  Daylight savings is here again, the sun will still be up when I go out.

Time to find the sunglasses.  I will actually see the sun!