Monday, September 5, 2016

Plug nickel

I have a habit of joking about selling my horses.  I've always done it.  At the Wanless clinic after Theo was told that he was sweet, talented, and had promise, I pet him on the neck and told him that meant he got to stay another week.  Fortunately, Mary got my dry sense of humor.

At GMHA, just after winning a spiffy blue ribbon, Theo decided to drag my ass half way across the parking lot because I didn't have a chain on him and he saw something that might be food.  As we skidded to a stop, I snapped out that I was going to sell him for a plug nickel.  A lady walking by looked him up and down and said, "I'll even give you a real nickel."  Woohoo, offers!

When I got my gorgeous picture of him cantering, I told Trainer A that we were ready for his sale flyers now.  She gave me a look.  Hehehe, just kidding, coach.  She might be a bit attached since I asked her if she'd be willing to do his Second level debut for me next year.  Of course she said yes.  She doesn't get to show anything but intro tests on green beans right now.  Do a real dressage test?  Sign her up!  It helps that mi papi really likes her and she really likes him.

But it's still a fun exercise to make up an ad.  I know several riders that make up pretend sales ads for their horses.  Sometimes when they're pissed, sometimes when they're very proud of the progress.  I know I'm not alone in this exercise.


For Sale:

Expect the Unexpected
12 year old, 16h draft cross American Warmblood studmuffin gelding

Currently competing in dressage at First level with crazy ass adult amateur rider.  Schooling most Second level movements.  Natural sitting power including his ability to spin and rear and very rhythmical.  Easy to sit.  Former school horse, can be ridden by riders of all levels including beginners with a lot of supervision, cookies, and sacrifices left on the altar of good school ponies.  More whoa than go seriously, bring your spurs, light in the bridle, goes in a loose ring snaffle.  Qualified for Region 8 championships at Training.

 Also good on the trails, alone or in a group, and safe on roads unless there is a green, plastic mail box or a razor scooter, then there is no hope.  Experience with rough trails because every dressage horse should learn how to tippy toe down granite.

Enjoys jumping, jumps up to 3' and enjoys hunter paces so long as you go slow enough that he can really check the jumps for aliens and you don't mind him putting his head between his knees on the way over and occasional bucking temper tantrums due to not getting to set the pace. Very honest and quiet to fences, jumps in a snaffle.  Not a cross country prospect because he's a weenie and slow as molasses in January.

Tolerant soul.  Really, someone should save him from this crazy lady.  Easy keeper, goes out with other horses so long as you don't really like the other horses.  Laid back personality that is a pleasure to have around the barn just don't keep him in a stall overnight if you like said stall.  Bonds to his person and enjoys grooming.  Excellent ground manners so long as you have a chain, easy to catch, good to trailer, handles overnight shows easily, and fun at clinics.

Price:  Your eternal soul.  Firm.  No, seriously, you can't afford this horse.


  1. Poor Stinker doesn't even get the nickel threat. He gets dog food...
    Love the sales ad!

  2. I've more than once threatened my horse with the glue factory...I usually tell him his cute face and snappy knees are the only things saving him. This is pretty great though.