Project Conclusion

So this is it
I say goodbye
To this chapter of my ever-changing life
And there's mistakes
The path is long
And I'm sure I'll answer for them when I'm gone

- Something to Remind You, Staind

I got my official e-mail from UNH on Friday.  They love Fiona and want her as part of the program.  The letter officially donating her to the Equine Program is on it's way.  The Princess now belongs to UNH where she will be a dressage school master for their many students.  Part of me is relieved, part of me is heart broken. I'll admit that I secretly wished for her to be sent back and even now my initial reaction was 'I've changed my mind, give me back my pony!'.  But it's done now.

And this is how Project Fiona concludes.  It wasn't the ending anyone expected, especially me.  I'm still second guessing myself, even though I know it is a perfect situation for her.  She is adored, spoiled rotten, and will never have to jump again.  When she's ready to leave the program, I have right of first refusal.  I can go visit her whenever I want.  That doesn't mean it's easy.

I haven't ridden since she left.  Poor Ben has not seen much of me.  His junior rider is having an absolute blast with him and they've been doing well at the shows.  With grad school and my continuing mixed feelings, I'm letting his lease go.  At the end of September, he'll be someone else's ride.

So now what?  This whole thing started with me looking for an eventing partner and now I'm stepping back.  I'll still be teaching and taking my weekly lessons, but riding needs to take the back seat.  My husband and I closed on a house a week ago and that's taking up a lot of time and energy.  I can't quit, any horse person knows that quitting just isn't possible, but I need to put it in the background.

Come graduation, the cycle will start all over again.  Another horse hunt.  But for now, I'm going to focus on finding my love of the sport again.  I still look for Fiona when I go in the barn, but I think it's time for me to get back in the saddle and shake this off.  She's happy, Ben is still here, and I need to remind myself why I find this hobby so addictive.